As we were warned, the anticipation of Joshua's birthday and the anxiety that goes with that anticipation were much worse than the actual day. In the days leading up to Joshua's birthday I saw the return of some of my grief "symptoms" (heart palpitations, moodiness, anger), but on the actual day we had a sweet time at the cemetery. God answered my prayers about exactly how I wanted the time to go. Not everyone came at once so I was able to visit with everyone who came yet there was a point where we had a critical mass so that Martin could speak a little and read Psalm 71 (a portion of which is on Joshua's gravestone) and then our pastor James prayed. Some friends brought rose petals, one brought baby's breath, and another a wreath. My friend Laura brought balloons which we released after we sang "Happy Birthday" to Joshua. The kids asked if Joshua was celebrating in heaven and I said maybe but I think the real party would be the next day - the anniversary of the day he came to heaven. The kids drew pictures for Joshua which we put in plastic bags and left by the grave.
After the cemetery we took my parents to the Peruvian chicken place by the cemetery (that was an adventure) and then later that night we went to the Walk of Lights at Meadowlark Gardens. Here is a picture of us there. It was so cold that day.
I've been thinking about donating money for a tree at Meadowlark in honor of Joshua and so I may just do that and make the Walk of Lights a tradition for his birthday.
Yesterday was the anniversary of the funeral so we watch the video. That was the first time we did that. It was good to be reminded of Butch's message: You'll never fully understand why this happened on this side of heaven, God has not forsaken you, and Jesus is your greatest comfort. It was also fun to watch Dylan playing with the rope on the pew and crawling on the floor the entire service, Lydia bonking her head and then after being comforted by my mom laying on Martin and sucking her thumb the rest of the service, and our friends' son Aidan's reaction to Butch's "you will die" comment. I remember hearing his gasp and although you can't hear that on the video you can definitely see him abruptly look to his mom to see if that was true.
Today is the last of the anniversaries. The day we buried Joshua. I went with the kids to the cemetery after taking them to a birthday party for one of Dylan's friends. We sang Kum Ba Yah, which is translated Come by here. This week I also learned of the death of a mother of 4 shortly after the birth of her son Joshua, my newborn cousin's diagnosis that means she will only be with us for a few weeks, and the death of my next door neighbor. Oh Lord, Kum Ba Yah.
