Experiencing redemption

In my walk with grief, I've found that hearing tearful but joyful stories of God's redemption are really good for my soul.  This has led me to become more involved in a ministry to the unborn at Assist Crisis Pregnancy Center.  On Thursday October 3rd, Assist will have their annual banquet and the speaker will be my OB/GYN Dr. John Bruchalski.  Dr. B founded the Tepeyac Family Center, an OB/GYN practice that assists women in crisis pregnancies or those with financial difficulties, a lack of health insurance, or other special circumstances, providing them with access to the same excellent medical services that are available to their other patients.  In addition, Tepeyac provides hospice care for unborn children with terminal prognoses like Joshua.  After losing Joshua, I have a renewed heart for the women facing crisis pregnancies of all kinds and their babies.  In a small way, I've been there.  Hearing the stories of lives saved and women restored is so encouraging to me now and if you are in the area, I would like to invite you come with me to the banquet.  There is no cost to attend the banquet but an offering will be taken.  Click here to register or contact me directly.  You can also check out Assist's website here.

What a great week!

My first week of unemployment has been great!  Even that first Saturday was good because I didn't feel like I need to get everything done that day before the week started again.  On Monday I took Lydia to the teddy bear festival on the town green and we met up with some preschool friends there and had lunch at Whole Foods.  It was great talking to the mom and just feeling like I could be present without worrying about getting back to get my work hours in.  Lydia came home and at one point we were dancing and twirling in the kitchen and just having fun.  There were so many of those little moments this week.  Like seeing Dylan right when he comes home from school and just coming home after school and not running to do other things.  I read a book to the kids when Dylan came home and we practiced piano before dinner, which I made.  I also did a lot of little chores that I never seemed to have time for.  AND that was just the first day.  Later in the week I was able to call a friend who just had a baby just to check on how she was doing and I was available for another friend who wanted to bounce an idea off of me and felt like she was more free to call me now that she knows I wasn't working.  Our dinner time is not as rushed and we actually had some family worship time while the kids were finishing eating.  Even Martin said, "I feel like I should be doing something" one day when he came home but there was nothing else that he needed to do except play with the kids.  We just have some much more time now.  I'm sure it will fill up but for now I'm just going to enjoy this new pace.

I only had a tinge of "what is my purpose/value?" thinking. And maybe a tiny worry when I realized that every single car expense we have other than gas hits in the month of October, my first month without a paycheck.  Oh, and I realized that the mommy guilt really doesn't go away because now I just feel guilty for letting my kids watch TV or for checking facebook when they are awake.

So, on balance, just a great week and feeling so blessed that I am able to do this.  

Last Day

Today's my last day at the FDIC.  Lots of mixed emotions.  I'm definitely happy and excited and a number of people have told me how happy I look.  I'm also nervous and a little sad.  Sad to be saying goodbye to my co-workers and my projects.  Nervous about future decisions and being able to get a job again.  I'm been trying to firm up some connections and opportunities before I go so that has me thinking about the future and that brings the anxiety.  So I have new opportunities to trust God with the future. 

It's also hard to leave the stuff I've worked on for so many years.  Some of my research never amounted to much policy-wise and tossing so many papers acknowledges that.  But I did pass on a lot of my files to my co-worker, in case the issues ever come up again.  I have some of those "did it really matter?" feelings. 

One of my co-workers said I looked like I just graduated high school.  A clear plate and nothing but the future to gaze upon.  But of course life still goes on and in the mist of this monumental day I'm also dealing with car repairs and schedules and phone calls for this and that.  So that makes it a little less anti-climatic. 

But next week when I don't have to into work or put in my hours on my computer at home I'll be thankful for the freedom and the time to spend with the kids and Martin.  Right now it's still sinking in and I'm not enjoying the benefits yet, like the whole new slower rhythm of life.  Can't wait!