AAAAH, it's my birthday again. How did that happen?
37. I'm still in my mid-thirties! I don't feel too old until I see a
new mom at the pool or something. I shouldn't perceive my age relative
to my children's but seeing them getting older and more independent
makes me feel older. It brings a little sadness not be in the baby
season. But the seasons are a-changing all around and I'm excited to me
moving into the next season of my career and home life. Martin and I
did have the conversation about me quitting and he thinks it's best for
our family too so I'm going to quit on September 6th. I won't tell my
boss until August so I guess it's not official yet but I'm feeling good
about it and not too afraid of telling him.
I'm learning that when you have kids, having a birthday on a Saturday (which, by the way, has not happened for me since right before Martin and I started dating) is not the greatest thing. Dylan was invited to 3 birthday parties tomorrow. We are only going to one - my nephew's. I told my sister it was okay to have his party on my birthday because if she would have had it the week before we would have been on vacation and missed it and we said one of the best things about living close was getting to come to each others' kids' birthday parties. So we are going to my sister's tomorrow, which is good, she has pool and my parents will be there and my brother and his girlfriend so it will be nice for me too. My coworkers are taking me out for lunch today and Martin and the kids are taking me out for dinner tonight. My parents were at my house yesterday and they bought me an ice cream cake so we had that after dinner last night. I kinda did a lot of my birthday traditions in March because of sales and an expiration of a gift card I had for a massage. Martin bought me a kindle fire then which is my birthday-anniversary-Christmas-valentines day gift-mother's day gift. My parents got me a case for it which they gave me last night. So just lots of family time this birthday which is nice.
I stayed up late last night finishing my book club book so I hoping to sleep in tomorrow and go to bed early. Maybe watch a movie with my hubby when we get home from my sister's. Low key but relaxing this year. I usually take my birthday off from work and have some me time but I feel like I've had enough of that for now - too much thinking lately about my work and plans for setting up a business. Time to just enjoy the summertime.
Friday, June 28, 2013
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
New Ambitions Part II
Well, Martin's contract was renewed! He was finding out as I typed my blog entry on Friday. I'm still giving him time to celebrate before making the final decision on my job plans.
Those of you who have been with my blog from the beginning know that I started out talking about career and ambition. (I originally titled this post New Ambition, not even remembering that I had "New Ambitions" from 2005, so I renamed this one New Ambitions Part II.) I think part of my struggle with quitting my current job (even though I want to) has been that I didn't want to be told I had no ambition. I know there would be certain people, particularly co-workers from my current and previous jobs, who would say I was giving up a good career. Oh, she had so much potential if she just would have stuck with it. Especially, with so many people retiring from the government in the next 5 years.
I'm starting to see the narrow-sightedness of these statements. First, why was I letting these people define my goals and ambitions for me. Second, if in fact that's what they would say (considering I am putting words in their mouths) would they even be right? I've now been around long enough to see so many folks plateau in their careers for years. And I'm pretty sure that's even the normal scheme of things for 35-50 year-olds. Third, even if I was promoted, I'd have to work more hours which I know I don't want to do. Period. Which takes me back to reason 1).
Just because I've been on a certain career path for 12 years does not mean that I have to continue on that path. Many highly successful jump around a lot and do completely different things on their career path. Granted my jump is somewhat of a step back (less pay, doing something requiring less skill, fewer hours), but if I'm just going to plateau anyway, why not spend those years doing something I enjoy and that will let me be with my family more.
About a year ago, a dear friend was bragging about me to a couple other women as we all sat in her kitchen. She told the other women what I planned to do (which included eventually quitting my job) and then said (tongue in cheek) "I don't have over-achieving friends or anything..." She definitely thought I was being ambitious even though I wasn't continuing up in my field. What she said reinforced to me that the things I am thinking about doing are highly ambitious (!light bulb!) - taking classes, starting a business, advocating for a culture where part-time work is more accepted, helping those less fortunate through direct financial counseling. Not to mention my family obligations and pursuits. So success for me would be doing these things well and who cares if others think I am not ambitious and have a terrible work ethic (btw, when did those two things become the same in my mind....uhhh...) because they are looking at success very narrowly.
I'm sure you can tell through my writing that I'm still trying to convince myself of these things but I can tell you that I know I feeling more confident about it than I did 2 years ago. Maybe part of that has to do with the fact that it's an easier time to quit since work isn't as busy as it was, but too I'm seeing more opportunities and getting more excited about my dreams outside of my government job. Plus, with age, I have more feelings of "do it now or you never will and you don't want to miss your chance."
I guess the risk is getting back in if I want. And I actually want to. My long-term plan is to get a government job at the end my career to get the benefits (assuming Congress hasn't striped every last one of them away by then). How long can I be gone and still get back in? What kind of experience will I need to do in the meantime to allow me get back in as a GS-15? I half joke that since I had experience from this most recent financial crisis, then I'll be valuable for when the next crisis comes around 15-20 years from now. I think the important thing is just to do something. So running a business or doing bookkeeping for a charity is something.
I had a conversation with a younger family member not too long ago about my plans. He asked the typical "why are you going to through your education away" type of question. I know my answer is a good one but it still bothers me that that's a default reaction. My answer was basically that I've used my degree for 12 years and it has paid off very well. I keep telling people that I got my dream job pretty much right out of school. Been there done that, now I'm moving on. (Maybe it wasn't really my dream job since I want to leave or maybe your dream job just changes as you go.)
Thank you for reading about this topic (again) in my borderline non-coherent free typing blogging. I'll keep you all updated.
Those of you who have been with my blog from the beginning know that I started out talking about career and ambition. (I originally titled this post New Ambition, not even remembering that I had "New Ambitions" from 2005, so I renamed this one New Ambitions Part II.) I think part of my struggle with quitting my current job (even though I want to) has been that I didn't want to be told I had no ambition. I know there would be certain people, particularly co-workers from my current and previous jobs, who would say I was giving up a good career. Oh, she had so much potential if she just would have stuck with it. Especially, with so many people retiring from the government in the next 5 years.
I'm starting to see the narrow-sightedness of these statements. First, why was I letting these people define my goals and ambitions for me. Second, if in fact that's what they would say (considering I am putting words in their mouths) would they even be right? I've now been around long enough to see so many folks plateau in their careers for years. And I'm pretty sure that's even the normal scheme of things for 35-50 year-olds. Third, even if I was promoted, I'd have to work more hours which I know I don't want to do. Period. Which takes me back to reason 1).
Just because I've been on a certain career path for 12 years does not mean that I have to continue on that path. Many highly successful jump around a lot and do completely different things on their career path. Granted my jump is somewhat of a step back (less pay, doing something requiring less skill, fewer hours), but if I'm just going to plateau anyway, why not spend those years doing something I enjoy and that will let me be with my family more.
About a year ago, a dear friend was bragging about me to a couple other women as we all sat in her kitchen. She told the other women what I planned to do (which included eventually quitting my job) and then said (tongue in cheek) "I don't have over-achieving friends or anything..." She definitely thought I was being ambitious even though I wasn't continuing up in my field. What she said reinforced to me that the things I am thinking about doing are highly ambitious (!light bulb!) - taking classes, starting a business, advocating for a culture where part-time work is more accepted, helping those less fortunate through direct financial counseling. Not to mention my family obligations and pursuits. So success for me would be doing these things well and who cares if others think I am not ambitious and have a terrible work ethic (btw, when did those two things become the same in my mind....uhhh...) because they are looking at success very narrowly.
I'm sure you can tell through my writing that I'm still trying to convince myself of these things but I can tell you that I know I feeling more confident about it than I did 2 years ago. Maybe part of that has to do with the fact that it's an easier time to quit since work isn't as busy as it was, but too I'm seeing more opportunities and getting more excited about my dreams outside of my government job. Plus, with age, I have more feelings of "do it now or you never will and you don't want to miss your chance."
I guess the risk is getting back in if I want. And I actually want to. My long-term plan is to get a government job at the end my career to get the benefits (assuming Congress hasn't striped every last one of them away by then). How long can I be gone and still get back in? What kind of experience will I need to do in the meantime to allow me get back in as a GS-15? I half joke that since I had experience from this most recent financial crisis, then I'll be valuable for when the next crisis comes around 15-20 years from now. I think the important thing is just to do something. So running a business or doing bookkeeping for a charity is something.
I had a conversation with a younger family member not too long ago about my plans. He asked the typical "why are you going to through your education away" type of question. I know my answer is a good one but it still bothers me that that's a default reaction. My answer was basically that I've used my degree for 12 years and it has paid off very well. I keep telling people that I got my dream job pretty much right out of school. Been there done that, now I'm moving on. (Maybe it wasn't really my dream job since I want to leave or maybe your dream job just changes as you go.)
Thank you for reading about this topic (again) in my borderline non-coherent free typing blogging. I'll keep you all updated.
Friday, June 07, 2013
Just checking in....
Thought I'd just type a "how we are doing" post for those who check in with us through my blog. The past 2+ months have been busy with the kids' activities - baseball, choir, piano for Dylan and finishing preschool for Lydia. The kids are excited for their favorite summer activities - Pine Springs Camp and the church retreat, both coming up in August this year. In two weeks we are going on our family vacation to PA and NY.
For me, things have been strangely normal. In contrast, this time last year I was starting counseling and going to the grief support group. Our loss is not something we are really "dealing" with anymore. Joshua is always a part of us and will be from now on but his loss is not an in-your-face kinda thing anymore.
We still go to the cemetery about once a month - usually the 3rd or 4th weekend but not necessarily the 24th or 25th. The kids still talk about Joshua. Dylan asks questions and Lydia draws pictures of him. (This says a lot about my first two children.) Dylan asked me last week how we know that Joshua is in heaven since he never went to church or was baptized. How he put that together I have no idea. Having battled legalism for most of my Christian walk, I know we were careful not to tell our children that going to church or being baptized gets you into heaven. He came to that on his own and I was quick to remind him that it is Jesus who saves us.
Dylan and Lydia are both really active and talkative these days. Lydia is even starting to open up more and talking while other adults are around (something she wouldn't even think of doing 6 months ago). One of Dylan's friends' mom heard Lydia yelling to Dylan the other day after a baseball game and she said "she talks!" They are playing pretty well together too.
Our big thing now is waiting to see if Martin's company is going to win a new contract for the work that he does. If they don't, he will need to find a new job within the company which is becoming increasingly difficult with the sequestration. We hope to hear soon. Assuming all goes well with Martin's job, I am looking to do something in 3 months I've been thinking about doing for the past 7 years - quit my job. I'll still be doing something (taking classes and/or starting a business so I may not officially qualify as a stay-at-home-mom) but I'm looking forward to being able to manage our home with a more flexible schedule and hopefully get back into shape. I also have grand allusions of doing the kids' baby books and organizing my office but I also know how quickly that "spare" time can fill up. Some people think that I'll get bored if I don't work. I think I'm at a point in my life that I can fill my time with meaningful and satisfying things without a job. I'm not sure I could have done that 7 years ago. I've gained a lot of experience and confidence in those 7 years that I didn't have before. I'm even to the point where I'm not agonizing over telling my boss that I am quitting AS MUCH. :) I just started writing more about this and realized that I have a whole other blog entry worth of stuff to talk about here. So I'll end now and continue on this last thought later.
For me, things have been strangely normal. In contrast, this time last year I was starting counseling and going to the grief support group. Our loss is not something we are really "dealing" with anymore. Joshua is always a part of us and will be from now on but his loss is not an in-your-face kinda thing anymore.
We still go to the cemetery about once a month - usually the 3rd or 4th weekend but not necessarily the 24th or 25th. The kids still talk about Joshua. Dylan asks questions and Lydia draws pictures of him. (This says a lot about my first two children.) Dylan asked me last week how we know that Joshua is in heaven since he never went to church or was baptized. How he put that together I have no idea. Having battled legalism for most of my Christian walk, I know we were careful not to tell our children that going to church or being baptized gets you into heaven. He came to that on his own and I was quick to remind him that it is Jesus who saves us.
Dylan and Lydia are both really active and talkative these days. Lydia is even starting to open up more and talking while other adults are around (something she wouldn't even think of doing 6 months ago). One of Dylan's friends' mom heard Lydia yelling to Dylan the other day after a baseball game and she said "she talks!" They are playing pretty well together too.
Our big thing now is waiting to see if Martin's company is going to win a new contract for the work that he does. If they don't, he will need to find a new job within the company which is becoming increasingly difficult with the sequestration. We hope to hear soon. Assuming all goes well with Martin's job, I am looking to do something in 3 months I've been thinking about doing for the past 7 years - quit my job. I'll still be doing something (taking classes and/or starting a business so I may not officially qualify as a stay-at-home-mom) but I'm looking forward to being able to manage our home with a more flexible schedule and hopefully get back into shape. I also have grand allusions of doing the kids' baby books and organizing my office but I also know how quickly that "spare" time can fill up. Some people think that I'll get bored if I don't work. I think I'm at a point in my life that I can fill my time with meaningful and satisfying things without a job. I'm not sure I could have done that 7 years ago. I've gained a lot of experience and confidence in those 7 years that I didn't have before. I'm even to the point where I'm not agonizing over telling my boss that I am quitting AS MUCH. :) I just started writing more about this and realized that I have a whole other blog entry worth of stuff to talk about here. So I'll end now and continue on this last thought later.
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