Five Years in DC

I have friend who sends out an email on the anniversary of her move to DC every year. I'm not that nostalgic, but somewhat so, so I couldn't pass up the opportunity to write about the five year anniversary of my move to DC on August 20, 2001.

This is actually a significant milestone in my career as well since as of this coming Monday, I will be vested in the government's defined benefit pension plan. For those of you know a little about pensions, DB plans are becoming more rare and so I am fortunate to have one.

But other than that, the milestone is just a chance to take a look back. Since Sunday I hadn't really done that much until last night. I was going through boxes of junk to make room for the baby and I've finding things I had put aside and meant to do since moving here. (Seems as though I have a box from each move though so all the stuff isn't 5 years old.) Some of them I no longer want to do and I'm not sure how I feel about that. I had such high aspirations. Now the priorities have changed and while I'm sure of the priorities now, it makes me sad that I never finished some of things I planned to do. Most of what I'm talking about is giving up on organizing things that I no longer wish to keep or organize. Then there are the books and journals I never finished or kept up with.

But probably what got to me most was the things that I meant to research. One, was that I wanted to keep up more with economics once I left academia. I found a list that said "ways to keep up my economic skills while working." One of the things on the list was "attend seminars at local universities." That sounds so absurd to me at this point. I have no desire to do that. Then I was going to research my mission as a Christian in the field of economics and look into if and how capitalism is Biblical and read all these Christian econ papers. No desire to do that at this point either. What does that say about my calling as an economist? I like my job and I try to do my best but I certainly don't do more than is required of me or think philosophically about my job. It's a job to me. Nancy had a post on her blog the other day about doing everything unto the Lord and not just looking forward to free time. I think that plays in here too. Am I doing my job unto the Lord if I'm not thinking about what my mission is for my job? Am I doing my job unto the Lord if I'm not fully integregating my beliefs into my profession? How easy it is after 5 years in the same job to forget why you are doing it! How easy it is to use my job to support me financially in order to pursue other endeavours.

Thinking about this is overwhelming to me at this point. I have a baby on the way, why am I thinking about this? Partly because decisions about continuing to work tend to keep creeping up. I am already counting down the days until baby #2 comes and I can quit for good. Will that excuse me from thinking about the field in which I was educated for 7 years and will probably go back to someday? Will I actually have time to catch up on these things that I have been wanting to do for years....probably not.

The research was not just economic stuff. I wanted to go back and listen to or read sermoms that I had missed or Bible studies that I didn't finish or material for training classes that I was supposed to read but never did.

I will probably never finish these things and I'm not sure I even have a desire to and that drives me nuts since I can't stand to have stuff go un-finished. I'd rather leave these projects lying around the house with un-realistic aspirations to finish them rather than call it quits.

Anyone else like me? Anyone have any advice for my neurotic behavior?

Well, this ended up being a pretty depressing post. So time to turn it around. Yes, I have less and less time for these projects but what have they been replaced with? Many new friends, many experiences that I wouldn't trade for finishing projects, and many things that I have done and completed, including things at work that made the Treasury better. Life has changed a lot in five years. Went from being single and thinking I wouldn't get married soon to being married with baby on the way in five years. Went from being a newcomer to being a oldschooler by DC standards and knowing my way around and the resources and social outlets that DC has to offer. All has been for the good.

I'm not saying that I shouldn't be thinking about my mission anymore but I shouldn't be creating these silly projects to fulfill that mission. Thinking is not something that I can cross off my to do list but it is something that will accomplish the goal of being intentional with whatever I'm doing at the time. (Blogging also helps accomplish this!) I'm probably all over the place thought-wise so if you're following this you deserve a metal. But this type of journaling is what I wanted to do with my blog.

So, here's to 5 years in DC - to meeting the man of my dreams and getting to marry him, to my awesome church and the friends I've made there, to my good job, to being close enough to friends from home to visit them, to free museums, great biking trails, ultimate frisbee leagues, and all DC has given to me!

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I guess there isn't a way to reorder post. See below for a posting (Tagged!) that I started last week and just finished today.

Update - Week 28

In this picture and outfit I actually look pregnant! I don't look like this all the time though. But I'm making progress.

I had my glucose test done on Monday. Haven't gotten the results yet so I'm assuming all is well. One of the receptionists at the doctors office told me I didn't look 28 weeks pregnant.

So this is the third trimester. I've been feeling like I have a lot of energy this week. Not sure if it was the sugar from the glucose test, the fact that I exercised/walked a lot last week, or the fact that I was stressed out and on an adrenline rush this week from being overwhelmed with all the stuff I had to catch up on getting back from vacation. But it's nice to have the energy.

The stress hasn't come from work but from a bunch of things on the to do list that are almost but not quite done so the to do list is long and overwhelming. Plus, we have a leak in our bathroom and we don't know where it is coming from - possibly the neighbor's pipes in our ceiling. This is going to be a major pain to fix.

I'm starting to get that itch for a new house. I've lived in the current place for about as long as I lived in my last place. That's only about 2 years but that was the longest I lived in one place since I was 18. Just feeling like we don't have enough room especiallly with the baby (even though we have 2 bedrooms). But we'll hold off until next spring, when hopefully the market and interest rate situation is more stable and when we've saved some more money.

Visted my brother and grandparents and aunt and uncle and parents and a Jen L. and her family last weekend. It was a whirlwind tour. Good times though, good times. Won't be back in PA before the baby!

Signed up for a breastfeeding class in a few weeks. I'm finding I don't have much time to read up on that so I'm going to take the class instead. Plus I have my mom (the WIC queen), my sister, a lactation consultant, and a Le Leche League member to help me out too. The class is right down the street from us so that's cool.

This week I haven't done too much baby prep except talk to people at work about my leave plans. I found out it's definitely better to take Leave Without Pay (LWOP) rather than drop down to a part time employee. By doing LWOP, I still keep my same life insurance coverage that I have now and I'll still get full time "creditable hours" for promotions. I will only get half time for annual and sick leave and for my annual (non-COLA) raises though but I totally expected that. So I told my boss my plans and he liked them - particularly the part about me teleworking on MWF so I wasn't incommunicato 3 days a week. He was fine with me only working 20 hours to start. So now I have to start the paperwork for the teleworking. I'm going to try it 2 or 3 days in Sept and then once a week in October until 2 weeks before my due date when I'll only telework. The only disadvantage to LWOP is that I think they don't want me to do it for more than a year. So after a year, I'll either have to go back to full time or change my position to part time. However, I really don't want to have to change it to part time since at that point I'll be ready to try getting pregnant again. And I plan to quit my job after the second child. But lots can happen in a year and a half and I shouldn't be thinking too much about that now since there's not much I can do.

Not getting anywhere with names. We're not going to tell until the baby is born anyways, but I can tell you that we have not agreed on a name. Martin is pretty set on one that I'm not too crazy about so I have to come up with something better. But I might cave in the end. I made the mistake of telling Martin that I never really had a boys name picked out because I assumed my husband would come up with the boy name. The name isn't bad, I'm just not sold. So we'll see.

Tagged

My first tag! How exciting! I was tagged by Nancy.

1. One book that changed your life: Mountains beyond Mountains: The Quest of Dr. Paul Farmer, A Man Who Would Cure the World
by Tracy Kidder
2. One book that you’ve read more than once: none (although do books that I started and then quit and then restarted count? if so then Little Women)

3. One book you’d want on a desert island: Bible

4. One book that made you laugh: I remember chuckling while reading before but I don't remember which books I was reading at those time. I usually read non-fiction or depressing fiction. So I'm stumped on this one...

5. One book that made you cry: Black and Blue by Anna Quindlen

6. One book that you wish had been written: Wedding Horror Stories by me and Melissa N.

7. One book that you wish had never been written: Recursive Methods in Economic Dynamics (aka Stokey/Lucas).

8. One book you’re currently reading: Jane Eyre, by Charlotte Bronte. For book club.

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read: something on breastfeeding

10. Now tag five people: I tag Catherine G., Amy L., Martin E., Cara H., and Dave M.

Pictures of Steven and my sister and her family

Update - Week 27

I was at camp all this week. I definitely think the Lord gave me supernatural endurance (thanks for your prayers!). I walked sooo much and never really got tired. I was slow but I walked a lot. The weather was great at camp, although probably a little too cool for the pool. Well, the water was too cool. I'm still feeling really good. Although my belly is getting bigger and with that comes more discomfort in sitting and trying to sleep.

I had to tell the folks at camp that I was pregnant though. No one suspected until I told them.

I think I may be going to exclusive maternity clothes this week because if I put on regular clothes they may fit when I'm standing up but are uncomfortable when I sit down.

Filled out the registration form for the hospital this week and talked to the insurance company a little bit. I did need to get a pre-authorization from the insurance company but my doctor already took care of that. So that's good.

Martin's mom is going to make the invitations for the shower. That'll be cool and will allow her to be a part of the shower even though she won't be able to make it.

Well, that's about it for now. I'll have a picture in the next update.

Update - Week 26

Well, I'm surviving the heat. It hasn't been too bad since I haven't been outside much but I had some killer commutes this week. Tuesday and Wednesday were awful, awful, awful both ways on the metro. And I didn't get a seat (of course).

I wore two maternity outfits this week. The picture shows one of them. (I could have sworn I was smiling in that pic. I meant to.) Thanks to my sister for the cool clothes! I should have taken a picture each day since I look so different depending what clothes I wear. The day after the picture was taken I wore a black khaki skirt and regular shirt and I couldn't even tell I looked any different than normal. I've gained 11 pounds during the pregnancy.

Just doing the class at the gym but no other exercising. Martin hasn't been getting up to go for a bike ride since it's so hot and find it very difficult to be motivated to get up before he does.

Had a doctors appointment on Wednesday. All is good. Next time I go it's for the yucky glucose test. Fun. I'll be starting appointments every two weeks now.

The baby is moving a lot. He's very active.

I've been getting up every day at 3:30am to go the bathroom. Must be preparation for when the baby comes.

Went to Babies R Us last Saturday. Laura B. and I were there for 2 hours. I'm still undecided about the stroller. I'll probably make one more trip (and take Martin) to make the final decisions. Still getting input from other moms.

Martin and I have been having lots of name discussions. Still can agree on a name. I know we have three months but it feels like we aren't getting anywhere or haven't come up with anything new in a while.

I think all the breastfeeding and child care classes may be taken up so I don't think we are going to do those. But we will do the childbirth classes since I'm already signed up for that.

Going to camp on Saturday for a week. Hopefully the walking and heat won't be too much. I think I'm going to take the camelback and wear it all week so that i'll drink enough water. Looking forward to being outside and not thinking so much about what I have to wear everyday. Hopefully I get some reading done too for my book club and the parenting book Martin and I are reading. And of course it will be fun to be with friends and the kids at camp. My next update will be a little late because of camp.

Are you a Lactivist?

Check out this CNN article on the debate about breastfeeding in public. Personally I don't see what the big deal is since practically every woman who breastfeeds in public does it discreetly and you see a lot more boob walking down the street in the summer time or on the beach or on other magazine covers than when you see a mother breastfeeding or what was on that mommy magazine cover. I don't understand thinking that it's gross either - that's what they are there for...hello? As long as the woman is discreet, I can't see how someone can be bothered by the fact of just knowing that it's going on. You probably won't see me at nurse-in however, so I'm not sure if I qualify as a lactivist.

Update - Week 25

Today I'm wearing maternity clothes for the first time. I'm wearing the dress that my sister wore to her shower when she was about as far along as I am now. It's a loose spandex dress and I still don't look pregnant, certainly not what Carrie looked like at her shower...enough of my weekly whining about not looking pregnant....

I'm feeling great! Still sleeping more (and exercising less though). But I was in the pool last weekend a bunch and I will hopefully make it to the gym this weekend so I'm at least working out once a week.

Last weekend's visit to FL to see Carrie and family was great. Steven is sooo cute. I didn't want to leave him. Learned a lot about parenting and newborn care and breastfeeding. The running joke over the weekend was how many breastfeeding conversations Martin had to listen to. He was a really good sport though and appreciates being included in all the decisions/discussions/etc. for which I am grateful.

One thing I came to a conclusion about regarding newborn care is that pacifiers aren't bad. I thought I was against them (and Carrie was at first too) but after seeing how they are useful and don't substitute for my sister, I'm for them, at least at first. For two year olds, that's a different story.

I also learned that even after you go through the checklist of baby's needs - hunger, needs diaper changed, wants to be held - he/she can still cry! I guess at some level I knew this but it becomes more a reality when you experience it. It's somewhat frustrating to know you can't do anything to comfort the child because you either you don't know what it is or you can't help it - like stop their hiccups. And Steven is a really "good" baby too - he sleeps a lot and is usually content - yet I still realized this.

This weekend I'm going to go to Babies R Us with Laura B. who is due the same month I am. Hopefully we'll narrow down the decisions on a lot of the stuff. We are both reading Baby Bargains.

Looks like my friends from Bible Study are throwing me a shower here on Sept. 23rd. That should be really fun. My mom and sister will actually be able to make it too.

Got a lot going on this next week before camp - I'm meeting with some new financial education clients tomorrow, then Monday I have a meeting with the STEP tutoring evaluation group, then doctors appointment and Bible Study (which we're leading) on Wednesday. Plus we have to finish planning and packing for camp and go grocery shopping one more time. AAHHH. Guess I'll need the vacation. Been feeling like I need to spend more time in prayer and more time in the Word and in prayer with Martin lately. Being submerged in the Christian community at camp for a week will be good. 9 more days...

Pictures from trip to Panama City

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Me and Martin at Mexico Beach.



Steven in his swing.



Carrie and Steven at the beach.



Me with Steven at the airport.



Grandparents looking on.



Our neices and nephews: Erik, Rachel, Butterball, and Pixie.



Baby and mama.



All dressed up for church.

Update - Week 24

Here's an updated picture. Not much different from two weeks ago. I think my belly is more barrel-like than rounded. Still not getting seats on metro or wearing maternity clothes and people still say I don't look pregnant. And now I can say I'm 6 months pregnant!

Still feeling good although I did have an episode this week. On my way to the bus on Tuesday morning, I felt tired and faint-ish. Had to come back inside and wait a few minutes and drink something and eat something before going to work. It might have been the extreme heat but honestly I wasn't out there long and I was feeling faint and my heart was racing even before I got to the bus stop. So I don't know what it was and I was fine shortly after it.

Sometimes I can feel my heart beating really strongly. Apparently this is normal. It's just weird. Like I'll be lying on my side and my whole body will move with each heartbeat. I feel it in my belly a lot. I know it's not the baby by my heartbeat. I guess it's from the increased blood flow that's being pumped through my body and to the baby.

Went to the gym on Saturday and did the weights class. Still enjoying that. There was another pregnant lady there and she did all the lying down exercise on an inclined step so maybe I could try that. She didn't do any abs at all. I think I'm fine doing abs on the ball. I don't lie on my back at all which makes them less effective but I'm still getting some ab work.

Been sleeping in a lot this week. Still eating alot. Although now it's hard to tell when I should stop eating. Before getting pregnant I knew how much I needed to eat so even when I felt I could eat more and wanting to I knew I should stop or I would gain weight. Earlier in the pregnancy I would eat until I was full and that wasn't too much. Now I feel I could eat a ton and still not be full. I guess I should just keep eating healthy stuff and then I don't need to worry too much about quantity.

Going to FL on Friday. Getting on a plane again. This time for a longer period. Should be fun.

Starting to think about where we're going to move the desk in the spare bedroom to make room for the baby stuff. Other than that haven't done too much preparations this week. Oh, I did get some maternity clothes from a lady at church. Got some good stuff there. Also got some tents mascarading as clothes. Will I really get that big?!

Well, I guess that's all for this week. More soon!

Update - Week 23

Sorry I meant to put a new pic up but I didn't get around to it. But I don't look much different than I did last week. I'm starting to get jealous of my friend who is 3 weeks behind me and looks really cute and pregnant. I want the attention of people noticing that I'm pregnant...wah. I know it should be a blessing that I'm not showing right? But I not one of those women who feel like bad about getting big when pregnant. I mean it's not like the "oh, you've put on weight" type of feeling, there's good reason and it's a different kind of weight/size gain. But it's also a good thing because I haven't bought any maturnity clothes for work. Only have to make it 5 more work days until we leave for FL to see my sis and Steven and the rest of the fam and get her maturnity clothes.

Really looking forward to meeting Steven and spending time with a newborn. Hoping also to help my sister and bro-in-law out with their other kids. Chuck E. Cheese here we come!

Still feeling really good this week. Haven't exercised as much but I did do the weights class on Saturday and swimming on Sunday. Hoping to do the weights class again on Saturday.

Been pretty hunger lately. Maybe that means the baby is getting ready for a growth spurt. Last night I inhaled a plateful of speghetti. When Martin saw what I had done, he gave me the rest of his. Now, for those who haven't dined with us before, this is HUGE. First, Martin eats really really quickly. So for me to finish before him is a feat. Then for him to give up his food. That's something you mark on the calendar. (We always have an abundance so it's not like he wouldn't sacrifice if he needed to, like he did last night.) And then for me to eat more than Martin. Even being pregnant hasn't enabled me to do that until last night. So I ate 1.5 plates of speghetti and then I had 2 pieces of pie at Bible Study last night. You should have seen the look on Martin's face when I finished the first plate of speghetti, it was like who are you and what have you done with my wife! And he was so sweet and insistent that I take his food. And so quick about it too, he didn't even think twice, it was like, you definitely need this.

Reading about strollers this week. I think we are going to get a travel system (I like the convenience of snapping the car seat in) although I want to make sure to find one that's lightweight at least when it's just the stroller. There are frames that you can buy that just carry the car seat and don't convert to strollers but by the time you buy that an then a stroller later, even a smaller cheaper one, you've already spent the cost of the travel system.

Oh, we got a preregistration form for the hospital last week at the doctors. They want to know on the form the insurance number for the baby. But uh, the baby's not born yet. Anyone know how this works?

Looking into family care child care (where you take your child to someone's home and they have like 5 kids that they watch). Seems like there's a network in our county but I"m not sure if the caregivers near us have openings. The woman I emailed about the program was not very helpful. Seems like you needed to sign up for this info session but most of the sessions were during the day and those that weren't were one days I'll be out of town. I guess I don't need to think about it until the baby's born but I'm just thinking those three months of maturnity leave are going to go by so quickly, especially with the holidays. Plus, a lot of pregnant ladies around here do day care and you have to set that up months and months ahead of time so I feel like I'm behind on that.

I just started the month-by-month-what-we-need-to-do-before-baby checklist. Theknot.com has a wedding one, but I haven't found a baby one so I made my own.

Having a pretty fun week with having book club on monday and with my former roommate in town. Going to the movies - girls night out - tonight. Fun! Going to a wedding on Saturday. I thought I'd be needing a maturnity dress but guess not.

See Below for this Week's Update

Sorry, my posts got out of order....

Our nephew Steven

Update - Week 22

Okay, so by popular demand my first profile picture...I think I'm finally starting to look pregnant, depending the clothes that I wear. Still have only gained 5 lbs.

It's been a really good week. I've been feeling great. My legs don't hurt much at all. I think that may be because I exercised a lot more this week. Went to the pool on Sunday and Tuesday, went bike riding on Monday, did a class at the gym on Saturday, and did videos at home on Monday and Tuesday. Got a good report from the dentist on Wednesday.

Doctor's appointment went well this morning. The heartbeat was much more distinct this time. They measured my belly for the first time. Doctor said that based on the size of the baby as determined by the sonogram, he is a week ahead of schedule. So either that means he'll come early or I'll have a 9lb baby. (The doctor actually said "9 lb baby" and asked us how big we were at birth - we were both in the 7 lb range.) Doctor said that means that if the trend continues (and by the end he's 2 weeks ahead size-wise), then they won't let me go passed my due date. I really don't want to be induced, nor do I want to give birth to a 9lb baby. So hopefully he'll just come early.

Got an email from Babies R Us this week saying that they are now independent from Amazon. I think this will be good news in the long run; however, their website is having lots of problems now. But the small registry that I started seems to have been transferred smoothly. Seems like a lot of stuff is still unavailable online but hopefully that will be fixed soon. Still reading about car seats. I looked on this website and found that the infant seat and the convertible seat that Baby Bargains recommends seem to fit in both our cars although the infant one may only fit well in the center of the Civic and the convertible one may only fit well on the side (outboard, so they call it) of the Maxima. Not sure if that matters though.

Martin and I got a book from our church library on parenting. It's called Successful Christian Parenting by John MacArther. I have a devotional of his that I liked but other than that, didn't really know too much about the author. And I was a little hesitant about the title - like was this going to be twelve steps to make sure your child turns out to be a well-behaved Christian. Well, the author defines success, not on how the kid turns out but by how well the parents stick to Biblical principles. And the principles aren't extra-biblical rules like a lot of Christian books try to push on parents - like thou must homeschool or something. He looks at specific passages of Scripture that speak to parenting and fleshes those out. Okay, well, actually I've only read the first chapter since Martin and I are taking turns reading the book and discussing after each chapter, but sounds good from the first chapter. (Catherine, I think we will still get the Sproul Jr. book but MPC library didn't have it so we're starting with this....as soon as I get enough mypoints to get a gift certificate to B&N, I'll get the Sproul book and then donate it to the library when we're done. ;)

I'm an aunt!

This morning at 4:32 CDT my sister gave birth to her first child - Steven Remnar, weighing 7lbs, 4oz and measuring 20.5 inches long. Mother and baby are doing very well.

Carrie's water broke last night around 9:30 but she was not having contractions. They went to the hospital and contractions started around 1:30am. She said it was only bad for the last half hour. I can't believe how quickly she gave birth. She was telling them call the doctor, call the doctor, the baby's coming. She went from 2 to 10 cm in no time. She said the doctor was only there for a few minutes and the baby was out. She went natural. I'm hoping this is in our genes.

Steven (or little Peshda (sp?) as my sister is calling him - only my HS friends will understand that one) did very well at latching on to my sister (for feeding) but apparently he takes two sucks and falls asleep. I'm sure he'll be sleeping a lot.

Praise God for the answer to our prayers for a quick and safe delivery and a healthy baby. (I was also glad that the baby is a boy - because our boy will have a boy cousin his age and because the middle name that Carrie and her husband had picked out for girl takes a lot of explaining...:) (I was also very glad the baby was born on July 1st - 2 days away from my birthday and in a different month...:) He was still about 2 weeks early from his original due date.

Update - Week 21

Still feeling pretty good. It's just my lower legs that are sore. Like my calves and shins. My ankles seem a little bigger but not much. Yesterday my one friend was like, I thiinnnk I can tell you're pregnant. It must have been the dress I was wearing because this gal that I saw at the bus stop both days said to me this morning, "now today, you don't look pregnant at all." Apparently yesterday I did. But I heard this is the month that I will "pop." So by the time we go to camp I'm going to be big.

I"m reading about car seats now in Baby Bargains. Fun stuff, NOT.

Signed up for a childbirth class for Sept 30th. That's the earliest I could get a class that I didn't already have something going on on that day. Hopefully it's not too late (I'll be 34 weeks at that point). Debating whether to sign up for the breastfeeding and child care classes. The childbirth is $150 and the other two are $55 a piece.

Signed up for NetFlix. We're on the 2 per month plan until the baby comes and then we'll go to unlimited so I can watch movies while I'm breastfeeding in the middle of the night. This has come highly recommended by 3 different friends.

So anyone know what's up with Babies R Us's website? I know their in some dispute with Amazon but it doesn't look like they have much available online. All the stuff I'm looking at says "currently not available." Maybe we'll register there but just do it in store and then do Walmart or Target for anyone who wants to buy us something online.

I've noticed that whenever I eat a lot at once (as opposed to smaller meals) the baby really starts kicking a lot. After lunch on Tuesday, he was kicking/moving for like 2 hours. I was paranoid at first like, oh no, my child hates pizza (what I had for lunch) or worse, he's allergic to something - like cheese which I ate a lot of that day. But I think it was just cause I ate a lot at once and so he was up. So said the ladies on babyfit.com.

Oh, had lunch this week with a gal from Treasury who is pregnant and due in August who is also coming back less than full time. I think she's going to do 30 hours though. But she shared with me some stuff on day care (14 month waiting period for the Treasury sponsored day care - ridiculous!) and nannies and working part time. Oh, and I found out that there is a lactation room in the Treasury building. It's a conference room with a refridgerator. It's 4 floors up but there's an elevator close to me now. Apparently I just need to get a key to use it.

I'm afraid that I ended up being a little misleading with people who I've told that I'm going to cut back my hours or go less than full time. I think they assuming that means I'll be working at least 25 hours a week but probably more like 30-32. Maybe I'll work up to 24 or 25 but I'm thinking 20 hours when I first come back. Maybe once I don't have to breastfeed as much I can do more. The hard thing is I don't want to give up any of my issues. I will gladly share but I don't want to be taken off them totally. The sad thing is that I think I can still do most of my job in 20 hours a week on most weeks. Like this week has been pretty quiet. But I don't want to tell anyone that because then it's like you're telling them that you don't have enough work. Then it's like they feel they shouldn't be paying me as much or that I should be done more or they feel bad for not giving me enough work. I would have gladly done more work but it's actually more work for my boss to find me stuff to do. I guess I'm supposed to be proactive and find things to research but it's so hard to know what you may need to know in the future and what's relevant. I don't really want to know all the idiosyncrasies of the farm credit system or the deposit insurance system. Plus, that's the stuff I would be giving up working less than full time. Maybe that's the argument I make to my boss about how I can still handle my issues. Hey boss, I just won't be doing the extensive background research....(...that I haven't been doing anyway....) I really have a bad work ethic. Another reason I shouldn't be working full time.....

So this is 30...

It actually does feel a little different than other birthdays. Not sure how to explain it. I mean, I've been saying "I'll be thirty in June" for a while now so it's not like it sneaked up on me. But there was that sort of excitement or oh, you should feel bad for me sentiment associated with that statement. Now its time to get over it and so that's I guess what's different. Time to accept and move on. No pity party. And why should there be. I'm almost the youngest at work so it's not like I get any sympathy here. Or in my econ circles. Or even in other circles. Plus, I have much to be thankful for and no regrets like - man, I wish I would have done that before 30. Anything that I want to do can be done at 30+. I'm married with a baby on the way so not fearing the biological clock. Got a job in my field that pays well so I"m not obsessed with "getting ahead." I guess we haven't exactly reached our housing goal but that doesn't need to be done by 30. It's weird to see the number in print. It looks so different. Is that really my AGE? Anyway, I'm totally rambling.

They say kids will keep you young. That's good. Maybe they'll be a lot of kids there tonight at the musical Annie. I'll be in the young crowd then.

I've had three co-workers wish me Happy Birthday already today. I don't remember telling all of them. Maybe something is up....:) I was going to go get myself some ice cream at lunch to celebrate.

Last weekend of my 20s....

And what am I doing you may ask. Most appropriately, I'm going to a bridal shower. If there was one thing that characterized the majority of the youthful yet independent decade in my life it would be going to weddings and doing wedding related things. I've been in 8 weddings including my own, was invited to about 50 weddings including 16 in one year (2004, but only attended about half of those), attended close to 35 weddings, planned my own wedding, and became a wedding reception cooridinator for my church in the course of the last decade. And I loved every minute of it. I thought that going to weddings would be a drag after your own but it's great - where else do you really get to dance with your husband (beside your own kitchen when you're practicing your swing moves for the next wedding:) and think about your own marriage vows? Plus, you still think about what you liked and didn't like about how they did the wedding. There's no "oh, I wish we could have down that" because everything had a reason for having to be done the way we did it. And now I'm getting useful tips for the brides that I work with.

The baby decade almost always overlaps with the wedding decade. I think the baby decade probably started for me in about 2001 when my former college roommate had her first child. I was 25 then so maybe 25 - 35 will be the baby decade, although it might have to go longer if i want to have 3 or 4 kids. Don't want to have to pop them all out in 5 years.

Other plans for the weekend...watching a movie tonight. Going out to dinner with Martin on Saturday. And having lunch at a friend's on Sunday. So pretty low-key otherwise but typical.

Martin is taking me to see Annie at Wolftrap on Thursday. I've lived here almost 5 years and I haven't been to Wolftrap (outdoor stage / cultural arts center) yet. So very excited about that. That's been a goal of mine. Trying to get some folks together for a birthday party next Saturday. The good thing about having a b-day around the time of our Nation's b-day is that there are always fireworks! The bad thing is that most people are out of town. But it will still be a blast. Our place can probably only handle 15 people anyway.

Update - Week 20

This has been a good an exciting week. Obviously the ultrasound was exciting but it was so much better than I thought. I thought we were going to see this lesser formed human floating in water and not doing very much. On the contrary! We have a very active little boy! He was moving so much it was making him tired since he yawned during the ultrasound. I mentioned that I started crying when i saw that and I think that the reason was that realized how much of a little person he is already, doing things we do. He moved his arms a lot and I swear he seemed to be playing peek-a-boo with us. He looked like he was having a good old time. (Some may say that was due to the candy bar I ate earlier in the day.) It sort of gave me this feeling like he's not as helpless as I thought. Also that he's his own person, separate from me, which one knows but it's little things like this that make one realize them more or to a deeper extent. I will scan the pics tomorrow and try to get them up on the blog. That pictures don't do the ultrasound justice though. You see mostly the bones which make the kid look like an alien but I'm sure he's much cuter than that - just look at his daddy!

I got Martin a "I love my Daddy" frame for Father's Day. I told him to put the ultrasound pic in it and take it to work.....he didn't seem to think getting asked a ton of questions about it all day at work would be fun. He's not as much of a slacker at work as I am.

When I came home yesterday, I started looking at boy clothes online. I felt like I needed to pick some sort of theme. Baby blue is nice and I like strips (and plaid of course!) and some more medium blues. As far as theme though, I wasn't crazy about the sports or boats or Pooh clothes. Seem pretty cheesy. I guess we won't be able to get away from Blues Clues, which is fine. But I really liked the clothes with stars on them and especially anything dealing with space or a space ship. So maybe that will be the clothes theme. Still going with the pastoral sheep and bunnies for the eventual nursery since hopefully that will last through multiple kids. But the space stuff will be this child's thing.

Gotta get serious about the boy name now. We have two names (with middle names) that we like but we're not sold on either one. We think we can come up with something better.

Still feeling good. Starting to notice my ankles getting a little swollen and I'm going the bathroom more. I flew to Boston over the weekend to visit my friend (and trainer!) Jen K. I could really tell the difference in the circulation in my legs during the flight. And it was only an hour. I need to stop cross my legs as much and putting my feet up. Jen and I had a great time in Boston. We walked around a lot on Saturday morning and watched some World Cup games and went to the movies and a museum. I didn't even crash when I got home. I have slept more this week though. But I did get up this morning and exercise! And we went to the pool last night.

Just last week I started to notice my pants being too tight. I started using this expander thing that my sister bought me. It's worked really well. This week I've worn just my bigger pants and that still works. No maternity clothes yet and hopefully I can hold out for about a month (with the expander things to help) until I get some maternity clothes from my sister. Going to FL July 21-24th. My sister is ready to deliver any moment although her due date wasn't until July 10th. Hopefully she'll have the baby next week, just not on my birthday....:)

I told my friend Alison (who will be at camp with us in August) last week. I also told my prayer group at work. I think that's everyone now. (Martin also told his friend Brian this weekend when he went to visit him). Now we have to go around again telling everyone it's a boy. I think I may stick to email for this news.

IT'S A BOY....(within a 95% confidence interval)

All is well according to the sonogram. It was really amazing seeing the face and watching him move his arms and legs. He even yawned while we were watching. I started to cry...

Only got one good shot of the between the legs view so that's why she said she was only 95% sure. But with that one shot she pointed it out to us.

He was moving around a lot during the sonogram.

Heartbeat was 139 bpm this time. Oh, and my due date according to the sonogram was moved up to November 4th.

Update - Week 19

Still feeling good this week. My stomach is getting really hard but not really showing yet. I've gained 2 lbs so far. Baby Center says baby is as long as a small zucchini. (Must be the kind you find in NVA Giants because in PA the zucchinis are much bigger and better.)

Martin and I went for a bike ride on Saturday - 22 miles! I felt really good and I didn't even crash the next day. I've determined that my fatique is totally random. Or at least based more on my eating which I'm being more aware of now. Got some more exercise last week when I had to park my car far from the metro at a friends house since the lot was full. I think I do more walking than I realize with my commute. Not enough for me to feel like I'm exercising but enough to keep me active during pregnancy. I still should do more exercising, esp. weights.

Update on the pediatrician search...I found another recommendation on the dc urban moms website. It was for a practice in seven corners, near where I used to live when I first moved to DC. I checked my insurance company's website and they were on there. But as I found out earlier that doesn't mean much. There were like 36 doctors listed in this practice. They have separate waiting rooms for sick and healthy kids and some of the doctors have privaledges at Fair Oaks so it sounded really good. I called and asked if they were taking new patients. The lady said well, what insurance do you have (oh, no, not again) and I told her but this time she said yes! She also indicated that they don't have a waiting list so I can just call back later to make an appointment to meet the doctor in October. They have free "expectant parent" visits. The receptionist was really nice too - a big plus for me. So I think we'll still ask around but now I know there's a least one good practice that we can get into.

I told my boss's boss this week. He was very nice and told me about his girls (ages 5 and almost 2) and being a parent. I think he's going to be a good ally. He said anything they need to do to keep me here and happy they will do. So that's really good. I started trying to contact the HR people too. Just getting a hold of someone over there is a project. I was encouraged by something on OPM's website though that sounded like to switch to part time I just needed to pick the number of hours (between 16 and 32) and get people here to fill out the form and sign off on it. Hopefully then all the calculations (salary, leave, insurance coverage) are done somewhere else automatically depending on the number of hours. I thought I would have less flexibility in choosing the number of hours to make it easy to calculate my leave for example. Maybe I'll try to keep it to even numbers just so I can keep track of it.

Stuff I've been thinking about...how much are we really going to use a stroller, especially in the early months which will be winter (i.e., do we need a "travel system'?) Along with that I'm trying to imagine where the baby will be when he/she is not sleeping or nursing or in the car. And should we try to hold the baby as much as possible (or as much as our backs/arms will allow us)? In the genre of "natural mothering" is this issue of baby carrying or baby wearing. See link. So what do y'all think of it?

I think Martin and I should probably read a parenting book or two in prep for the baby as we won't have time afterwards. Got some good suggestions from Catherine so that's next on the prep list.

Had my flower girl's family over for dinner last Friday which was really fun. I was drilling Linda with questions about birth and breastfeeding (her mom was a Le Leche Leaque councelor). Always good to see parents in action too.

Also been thinking more about the birth and how that relates to my low blood pressure. Something to ask the dr about next time. Getting excited for the sonogram on Wednesday!

PS Oh, we took the fan to the ladies house on Sunday. She wasn't home but the guy that lives with her was. He was very nice and we told him the story of how we got the fan. He said it was luck and I said I thought God really wanted them to have the fan. He was really excited to tell the lady about the fan so hopefully he'll tell her that story. It wasn't nearly as big a deal as I was thinking it might be - in a good and bad way I guess. It was easy enough but then I was a little disappointed that we didn't get into a conversation about God. I guess I was thinking with something like this that there would be more opportunity, like God was doing something big. And he still could. She contacted my volunteer coordinator and wanted to send a thank you card to who donated the fan.

addition to the ruby tuesday

I forgot to mention another reason Tuesday was such a good day. My volunteer coordinator (Jennifer) emailed me that day to say that she had a case where there was a women who needed a fan. She was denied cooling assistance from the state and couldn't get one from the Salvation Army. So Jennifer asked if my church could help out. (This was one reason I wanted to do the financial education volunteering - to be more connected to the poor/needy in our area and be able to help them, possibly using the assistance fund that our church has.) So I contacted the guys that run the fund and they said sure and the one guy said that just last week his neighbor had asked him if he wanted a fan because he got one from work and couldn't use it! I was so excited to see how God provided. So I'm going to get the fan and deliver it tomorrow. Although now I'm nervous. I guess I thought one of the deacons would go with me (okay, one is - my husband - but he's just going to be there for moral support). I want to communicate to the woman my initial excitement over the fan and how God worked the situation out. And to ask if she has anything we could pray for her about. Not knowing much about the woman, this is pretty scary for me. I'm not a quick thinker and I often feel like I miss opportunities to share my faith in God. Even talking about how we got the fan is something that's not the norm for me. I don't get excited about much and don't express my excitement much or in a dynamic way at all. I've been thinking about it all week. I have a plan of what to say and my husband says I should just trust that God will use me and bless the situation and if He doesn't then I've still done what I've been called to do. Plus, he's like, you're bringing her a fan that she needs, what do you think she's going to do you - be mean? I had some folks ask me for directions this morning. I was totally comfortable talking to them and delighted to help them. I should have the same attitude tomorrow and not be nervous. Please pray to that end.

Our baby is the size of a "large sweet potato"

I always find the fruit/veggie comparisons amusing on baby center's weekly update. They also say that the baby is probably moving a lot now. My doctor asked me on Monday if I felt the baby yet. I said not really. I thought I had, maybe a few times. He said that that's how it starts and eventually you'll recognize it as the baby. If you gently tap the top of your hand that's sort of what it feels like to me, only it's coming from inside my abdoman, right below my belly button. It only last a short time so by the time I'm like, hmm, is that the baby, the feeling is gone.

Baby Center also said it's time to start wearing bigger clothes. I'm realizing that I've been wearing clothes that have been too big on me for the past two years. Two years ago, before getting married, I lost 15 pounds and never bought new clothes. So I've been fortunate in that i'm still able to wear most of my clothes. My sister bought me this pants expander thing so that should help for a while yet. One thing that I am going to have to buy now though is some new bras. I've been told that's the only way that you can tell that I'm pregnant now - because I'm getting more top heavy. So I've figured out a way to get Martin to take me shopping - promise to go on a bike ride with him afterwards. So we're going to the Leesburg Outlets on Saturday and then doing the west-most section of the W&OD trail. There's a LeggsHanesBaliPlatex outlet where i've gone before so hopefully they will have something that fits. I don't even know what size is bigger than what I'm wearing now - E? F? DDD?

Also, some news about my sister. Apparently the doctor thinks she will deliver at least a week earlier than her due date. So I might have a niece or nephew that shares my birth month (or even day!). And so they might even find out the gender of their baby before we do if she delivers really early. We'll see. Still planning on visiting them in July though.

Update - Week 18

Ugh, I can't believe this. I just typed a really long entry and it didn't post right so now I have to start over.

A lot has happened this week which I covered in some other post. But here's the regular update stuff. Feeling really good this week. My back even feels better. I did the Denise Austin workout tape on Tuesday morning. It's whimpy but it's good because I don't sweat enough to have to wash my hair afterwards and because it's short, so I can do it without being late for work. The tape is also good because since the footwork is easy she has you doing stuff with your arms the whole time so it's a good upper body work out. It also really loosened up my back which is why I think it feels better.

I realized on Saturday that I'm still prone to exhaustion and that I need to make sure I eat enough. After going to a picnic and then to babies r us and the grocery store we came home and I just crashed. I could barely get up to eat. Thankfully all we had to do that night was red up (straighten up, for the non-SWAP folks) the house which i was able to do on Monday and Tuesday. Saturday night we just watched a movie (Fun with Dick and Jane) and then I was fine on Sunday when we had lunch with Nancy and Duncan.

I found out that the pediatrician that was recommended to me does not take our insurance for new patients. Apparently they used to take it and will still take it if you're an existing patient which is why i found them on my insurance company's website. So back to square one on that.

Beside telling the folks at the wedding and the crew at work, I also called my former boss and friend/mentor Lisa to tell her. Through a conversation with her and with Nancy I was thinking more about why I think I'd prefer to have a girl. Girls tend (I'm totally generalizing here so bare with me) to like structure. They can be disciplined/trained more easily and earlier. I like structure and discipline so I'd like that. Examples of girls who do well with structure - my sunday school class (I've had just girls lately and it's been great - they color and do the craft and listen), Lea (my flower girl who I babysat), and Amelie (Nancy's daughter who Nancy said has a much longer attention span than her friend who is a boy). Of course there are boys who like structure too (Calvin). In fact, what made me think of this is when Lisa reminded me of my last summer at camp when I was the boss to two completely different personalities (Kyle and Angie - the bride from last weekend) where the guy was the one who was more structured. Being Kyle's boss was easy. But i learned so much being Angie's boss about respecting different people's personalities and learning from them and learning how to motivate people to use their gifts when they are different from mine. One of the things I've been praying about is that I would learn a lot from and be outdone as far as being a Christian by my child. So bring on the boy! (But the little girls' clothes are soooo cute!!)

a ruby tuesday

Just thought I'd share my day yesterday with y'all. It was good day (aside from the 1.75 hour commute on the way home - which all the good stuff trumps). On my way into work, I saw the first dogs. Closer than I ever had - no fence between us. I thought I had my camera in my purse but I didn't or else I would have posted some pics. I would have pet them but Barney was taking off down the alley between Treasury and the WH and Mrs. Beazley was going nuts over the sniffing dog that just went passed in the SS van. The two (yes, two!) official federal presidential dog walkers didn't seem to mind too much that Barney was off to the races. I guess they figured the SS would stop him from getting too far.

I get into work (oh, need to mention that I hadn't told my boss about the pregnancy yet at this point - Monday, when I was going to tell him, was a busy day at work) ready to tell the boss man and get an email from him saying that he won't be in at least until the afternoon because he was in court. I figured he had jury duty but then was reminded by his secretary that this was for this crazy case that he had told us about where he was a witness for the defense. His neighbor was charged with public drunkness and resisting arrest when he got beligerent after complaining about these cable guys who were working after midnight (the man didn't think they were really cable guys even after the police told him they were). Anyway, the guy ended up copping a plea to a lesser offense and my boss made it into the office before the time staff lunch ended at 1pm. I got asked to go to a congressional hearing on the Hill at 2pm and I had to leave at 1:30 so I had from 1-1:30 to tell him. I figured it was a good time since he was in a good mood about not having to testify and telling us all about his court experience and because he wasn't entralled in some project at that time. Still, I was really nervous - my heart was beating out of my chest. But I did it. I think I freaked my boss out in the way I introduced it. I asked if I could talk to him about an adminstrative issue and I shut his office door and said I had some news. He thought I was leaving for another job. So the pregnancy announcement was a relief for him. I told him about my expected maturnity leave and that I wanted to cut back on my hours/days when I come back. He was fine with all that and said he was willing to work things out and accomodate and be flexible. He said congratulations and that it was good news. Although I think I could see him thinking about how this would affect the office and that it would be a pain. Maybe I'm just reading into it too much. Plus, I guess, what's he going to do? And this is better than me leaving. Anyway, I'm glad that's over. Although I still have to come up with proposal for cutting back my hours. I didn't tell him what I was thinking exactly.

The hearing on the Hill went well and I felt like the expert because I went with this legislative affairs person who I was able to school on the issue. So that was fun. And it was fun telling others in the office. My boss's secretary gave me a big hug and was very excited. I was afraid that I was starting to show but it seems that no one caught on because of that. One guy (this happened today so I guess its not part of the ruby tuesday) said he knew it because I had been glowing the past few weeks. He also said another hint was that I hadn't gotten my hair highlighted again (when the roots started growing in from my highlights that I got a year ago). That is one thing I would not have expected a guy to pick up on. He said specifically it wasn't because I was showing because I wasn't.

When I got home yesterday, there was a package waiting for me - the baby bargains book! My friend Nancy got it for me and it was delivered so quickly! Started thumbing through that at breakfast this morning.

So that was my fun day.

comments

i changed the settings so anyone can comment now (without setting up a blog). so please do! sorry amy that i didn't do this earlier. but now you have a great blog!

doctors appointment / ultrasound scheduled

Doctors appointment this morning went really well. Didn't even have to get undressed for this one - it was really quick. My iron levels and blood pressure were all good. Heard the heartbeat again. Still about 150 bpm. Got the order for the ultrasound. June 21st at 3:25. So that's when we'll find out the gender, Lord willing. So you only have two more weeks to get your votes in (see post below).

Self-Proclaimed Queen of Details

We found out on Memorial Day that the wedding we were planning on going to on the 3rd was actually on the 2nd! We were buying the gift in BB&B and the customer service rep asked for the wedding date and I said the 3rd and she's like, "hmm, funny, this says the 2nd." "Oh, that must be wrong," said I, the self-proclaimed queen of details. Well, sure enough, went home and checked the invite - June 2nd! I will chalk this one up to the pregnancy. Otherwise, I don't know how I would have missed that one.

I had a doctors appointment that day that I got reschedule to today (Monday) and had to take off a half day of work on Friday last minute but we made it to the wedding. Glad we did too. It was really fun and we got to see lots of friends I hardly ever see - Kyle, the Williams, Steph S., Charity, and the bride Angie of course. Got to tell all of them in person about me being pregnant. That was fun too.

Update - Week 17

Sorry this is late....so still feeling much better. Had some lower back aches and constipation but other than that I'm feeling really good. I think exercising will help the back pain some but I've been slow in getting back on the horse. Except on the weekends. The Saturday before memorial day Martin and I did two bike rides (for a total of about 25 miles). Then went hiking/fast walking on Sunday. And was in the pool Sunday and Monday for a bit. But need to do more during the week. Got some pregnancy exercise videos (old school ones - Denise Austin and Kathy Smith, both from the late 80s/early 90s). I'll probably get the FitMama one too. I can still do my Core Secrets workout on the ball too. And now that I'm feeling better I could get back on the elipse or bike. I tend to get a little dizzy when I exercise though so unfortunately I have to take it easier than I'd like. So maybe I'll stick with the pregnancy workouts. Might be good too since I have haven't done much exercise in the last month.

Finally told the Winstons this week as I ran into Tor on the metro. Wanted to tell Linda and Lea in person but oh well. We'll see them soon when we get together for dinner. We told Martin's college friends too via email.

On Tuesday we went for a tour of the maturity ward at Fair Oaks with our friends John and Laura B. who are expecting their first around the same time we are and who will be delivering at the same hospital. It was so fun. It's amazing the security measure (sensors on the babies so they don't get stolen from the hospital) and the pampering that they do now-a-days. There's Internet access in the private recovery rooms and they serve tea and cinnamon rolls at 4pm each day. They also have room service. The labor and delivery rooms are pretty big and they don't see too "hospitally." They also keep the baby with you right after birth more than I expected. I was very pleased with the tour.

Laura B. and I found out that we need to start looking for pediatricians now because they might have 6 month long waiting list. So I started asking around. I have 2 friends (Laura H. and Linda) that go to the same practice and they also take our insurance so I'll probably check that one out. I want to see a doctors who's not pill/test happy. Like they want to do every test or prescribe something for the smallest thing. So hopefully that will be the case.

Also starting to look at all the baby products out there. That's pretty overwhelming. Going to get the Baby Bargains book (thanks to Nancy!) so that should help.

Update - Week 16

Wow, four months pregnant! I read something today about approaching the half way point. This hasn't even really hit me yet. I mean being pregnant has but not the fact that I'm going to have a baby. The pregnancy stuff is all about me me me. But soon the attention will be on little martin jr. or heather jr. I try to imagine what life will be like. I realized that's just impossible. Not so much because it's so different from anything I've ever experienced, although that is true. But because each child is so different. I have no idea the temperament of the child. Like will I be able to take the baby with me to the grocery store? Sure, I see moms at the grocery store with babies in baby carriers strategically positioned on their buggies (shopping carts for you non SWPA-people). But I have no idea if I'll be able to do that. At least at first. And of course that's just one example. Will I be able to sleep? And those are pretty benign questions...what about harder ones like, what if my child has a serious health issue or what if I end up on bed rest? Uncertainty is always a challenge for us planners but it's even more than that when it's such a lifestyle change in one's home life. Like, moving to a new place involves lots of changes (commute, possibly new friends/church/job) but you know that when you come home at night you will still have a similar routine to what you have now. With having kids (I guess this is true for marriage too but I don't think to the same extent) normal routines will change. But uncertain times are always blessings in that they cause us to rely more on God and draw us closer to Him. I'm not even going to pretend to know what I'm doing. It's all going to be God.

Something that will be particularly hard for Martin and me is having to slow down. We put a lot of effort into being efficient and getting things done quickly. Our expectations will have to change a lot now.

Told the STEP folks this week. And some more people at church. I think I can say for sure that I'm feeling better. More energy and not nauseous, but I still can tell I'm pregnant - can't do as much, uncomfortable sitting and laying down, etc. I can tell that I'm feeling better though because I can actually bear to stand on the way home on the metro. Before I was way to queasy/dizzy to stand all the way.

One more week til the next doctors appointment and a week and a half until I tell my boss. I'm starting to get my speech ready.

Walked about 5 miles on Saturday but haven't done much else in the way of exercise this week. :( I really need to start strength training. I bought 2 pregnancy workout tapes on eBay this week so hopefully that will motivate me to get back into a routine.

Gotta give total props to my mom who cleaned our refrigerator, oven, microwave, and shower this past weekend and to both my parents for getting our front and back porches ready for summer with beautiful flowers! That was truely a blessing and a relief to me.

Update - Week 15

Feeling a lot less nauseated this week. Although I'm having a hard time finding food that tastes good to me. At least anything healthy. Make grocery shopping really hard. My cold is gone and I had no excuse not to exercise this week but I didn't. Maybe my body wouldn't feel as tired if I exercised.

Martin and I did go for a hike on Saturday though. I barely made it through. It was supposed to take 2 hours and it took four. I just couldn't get my muscles to move. That was frustrating especially since this is the best time of year weather-wise in DC to be outside and I know how much Martin likes to bike and hike. Plus, he (and I too) feel like we want to do so much BC. If we do anything like that on the weekend them I'm too tired to do the housework I need to do.

I haven't gained any weight yet. I can tell that my stomach is different (protruding outwardly more) but with most clothes I wear you wouldn't be able to tell that I'm pregnant, especially looking at me from the front. At least that's my perception. I could be totally deceiving myself. My boss left for vacation today so I won't be telling him for at least another 11-12 days. I'm thinking on making June 5th my target for telling him. I can't be showing that much more in 2 and a half weeks, right?

Told a few more Harvest people this week. Still have some people I want to tell in person or on the phone and haven't gotten a chance to contact them since we've been so busy. We had/will have had 3 different sets of house guest this week.

Sorry for complaining so much. I need to focus on the positive and fun things. Only 5 more weeks until we find out the gender of the baby! Oh, and my pregnant friend Laura (who has the same doctor as I do) and I scheduled a maturnity ward tour for the 30th! That will be fun. And my brother is coming to visit with my parents this weekend. This is only the 3rd time he's come to DC in the 5 years that I've lived here. Until next week....

Security Clearance

Last night I did my 5th security clearance interview for a friend (I have really trustworthy friends). Anyway, by this time I got the drill down. I could probably even rattle off all the questions they ask. So I made sure to check the guys' ID this time (before I let a stranger into my house). If you've ever done one of these you know they find people with NO personality to do these interviews. Just the facts ma'am. This guy wasn't so bad. He smiled once in a while. He told me I needed to put away my snow shovel that's still propped up in my front entry way. As he was leaving it started raining really hard. Well, he was in such a hurry to get to his car, that he got into my car instead! It was so funny! I'm watching at the window as this guy gets into my car and closes the door before he realizes it's not his own! He was also driving a silver car but I'm pretty sure it was much bigger than mine. I must have left my car door unlock since I was on the phone with Martin when I got home. So much for security.

Update - Week 14

Well, I couldn't tell if the pregnancy sickness has gone away yet because I had a cold most of the week. Stayed home from work on Monday. Feeling better now. I seem to have more of an appetite now which is good.

Martin's been out of town this week which means I've actually had to cook and take the garbage out and get up to get my own glass of water (gasp!). It's been rough but I'm making it through.

This week the baby is the size of my computer mouse, so says a pregnancy website. Looks like the size measurements have gotten away from food (peanut, bean, grape, lime, jumbo shrimp). I kinda liked the food references though. I'm not sure how my computer-moused-size child is fitting in my belly though. I used to be astonished at people who found out they had grapefruit-sized tumors in them without knowing. Like how could you not know? Now I understand.

At Bible Study last night a few of the women were talking about when they first felt their babies. They said that with the first one, you wouldn't recognize the feeling anyway if you did feel it - you'd just think it's gas. So last night I'm lying in bed and I felt this like buzz. So now I'm wondering if that was the baby. Or if I just thought that was the baby because of what they were saying.

Still haven't told work. But did tell Denise and Cara on Sunday and Nancy S. and Denny and Nancy M. on Monday and Dave M. and yesterday.

Poll numbers mean nothing...but boy or girl?

Living in Washington long enough, one gets quite sick of polls. While I don't think it will have any predictive value, I'm going to start one anyway. So, boy or girl? Let me know what you think. We're going to find out the gender if we can at the sonogram at 20 weeks and we'll let y'all know. So you have 6 weeks to get your final answer in. If you've already told me your prediction please vote officially on this post. Like any good poll, I'm going to try to influence your answer: so there hasn't been a girl born to a Etner male in 55 years, heartbeat was over 145bpm which some say indicates a girl, timing of conception would lead one to conclude it is a boy, but apparently the husband eating lots of green leffy veggies could increase the chance of a girl and Martin has been eating a salad everyday for the last year. Have fun!

We heard the heartbeat!!

150 beats per minute. Apparently that's really good. Saw a different doctor this time. He is really really nice and personal. He really took time with us and answered our questions. Also got a better idea of the philosophy of the practice regarding the necessity or lack thereof of screening procedures and birthing. And we got a schedule of the doctors appointments. Everything else was good too. Next appointment is June 2nd.

After the appointment, Martin and I went for a 17.66 mile bike ride! It was great. Slow but great. I wanted a t-shirt that said, I'm three months pregnant, what's your excuse?

Update - Week 13

Well, my sickness didn't magically go away last week, but I guess it's getting better. I feel some more energy this week although I had one or two bad days. Monday I had a headache all day. I think it was dehydration though. Then I threw up my breakfast yesterday but I think that's from my prenatal vitamin. Going to start taking that at night. Weighed myself this week. I lost two pounds. This is the least I've weighed since college. Oh the irony. Not worried, I'm sure the weight gain will come soon enough.

Tomorrow is our next doctor's appointment. I'll write again to let you all know how it went.

This week was more telling people, but we're not done. Told my book club and then Chris P. at church and Melissa S. and the rest of my college friends. Gotta get around to telling the rest of the camp folks and the Winstons!

Talked to my mom about her childbearing experiences. She was in labor with me for 14 hours although she didn't go to the hospital until 7 hours into it. Apparently your mom's experience is a good indicator of what your own will be like. She went natural except for some pitocin to help things along. But with my sis and bro she didn't have any meds. By the third child she didn't even know she was in labor. She had Justin an hour after getting to the hospital. Funny, the way I remember it, we were waiting for HOURS for them to call with the news. Of course, I was only 4, so I guess it seemed like hours to me. Melissa also shared her child birth experiences with me. I'm encouraged by all these 8 hours or less labors. I thought you were lucky if it only took 12 hours.

Man, I can't wait to find out if our baby is a boy or a girl.

Lots of people ask about a nursery. Since we'll probably move next year and we'll have the baby in the room with us for a while, we're not going to decorate the second bedroom too much. But I did have this crib set picked out: Clover fields. Lambs and bunnies. The light green matches the bed spread in the spare bedroom. It's gender neutral. I'll probably still want to buy all the stuff in case we do want to use the borders, etc. one day. I picked this out when my sister showed me what she had picked out last fall. I guess Martin hasn't seen it yet so it still has to go through his approval.

Decided to wait and tell my boss as late as possible - hopefully June.

Well, time to eat my yogurt...until later....

Update - Week 12

So, will this be the "magical" week that the morning sickness goes away? I must say I have been feeling better the last 24 hours. (Change always seems to come on Wednesday.) I'm probably not out of the woods yet. This last week or two I know my eating has gone way down since eating made me feel so bloating and I don't know, I can't explain it. It was just like eating took a lot of me and made me feel sort of a mix between fatiqued and sick. Hopefully I'll get back to eating more this week.

Wow, we told so many people this last week. First Cathy on the way home from STEP tutoring. Then Mike and Brian and Cal and Rochelle and Michelle on Saturday night. Then a ton of people on Sunday morning - my SS class, Danielle, Beth, Cynthia, Kelli, Thomas (who rubbed Martin's belly - that was hilarious!), Betsy, Becky, Natalie, Christian, Rachel and Andrew, Raymond, Don, Jason. Still more people to tell at church. Then I emailed Christine and Kelly and Jen N. and Jill. But I haven't told any of my college friends or camp friends yet. After tonight, things should settle down a bit and I should have more time to call folks.

The first graders in my SS class were funny too - "So this means you're officially married now, huh?"

I've been talking to other moms about natural child birth and breastfeeding and stuff. Gathering info and opinions. That and worrying about how and when and how much to tell my boss fills up most of my thoughts.

Anyway, that's what's going on. Feel free to leave comments.

Update - Week 11

Wow, week 11. I can't believe my first trimester is almost over. This week was fun as we told a lot of people - Martin's family (that's 8 people), Amy, Gruver, Josh & Catherine, Kathryn, and Darrell.

I'm still feeling kind of the same. I've noticed that if I'm moving around and doing stuff I don't get as nauseous. But I don't eat as much then either.

It's funny when people ask how I've been feeling. I usually say, oh, not too bad. If Martin's there he gives me strange looks - like "that's not what you were saying last night when you came home from work laid on the couch with a pint of ice cream and told me you were sick of being pregnant already and you couldn't move because you felt so sick." They say that labor is similar. You forget all the bad stuff. Grad school was that way for me. But I think relatively I'm not sick as some women I know of. It's more of this semi-constant annoyance.

Looking forward to staying home this weekend and telling people at church. Praise God that Martin has been really good with doing housework. Hoping to catch up on some myself this weekend. I went to the gym this morning so hopefully that means I'll have more energy today.

Oh, I got my promotion - I'll be a 14 on April 30th. So I'll see the raise in my May 22nd pay. And my office moved. My window looks out onto the tourist entrance of the WH. Lots of trees too. I have to share the space with a guy but he's pretty quiet. I have more room now and a built-in book shelf. And we're on the same floor as the snack bar that just started selling non-fat smoothies!!!

Update - Week 10

Physical/how I'm feeling update: mood swings and bloating.

Mood Swings. This weekend when we were at my parents, I balled through an entire movie. The movie was Jersey Girl. Not the best movie to watch when pregnant. I didn't even see the beginning when the mom dies. Martin turned the channel because he smartly didn't think two pregnant women should watch that. I cried throughout the rest of the movie though because I think I really identified with the Ben Affleck character. His whole life changed after his child was born and had anxiety over that. So it's still an issue with me apparently. But then I also almost cried at the WalMart hearing I went to when I heard of a missing child being found because of a poster in a WalMart and then I almost cried on the elipse this morning when I was watching a news report about 9/11. All I heard was "let's roll" and I got choked up.

Bloating. So I got a weekly email from on of the websites I'm signed up on that said this week you'll probably be experiencing mood swings and bloating. I guess it's nice to be normal. I haven't felt like eating much all week. It's really a chore to eat. One it takes me so long. Two, I can't find anything that sounds appetizing. So why the bloating? Here's the explanation from babycenter.com: You may be feeling extra gassy or bloated now, too. That's primarily because the major doses of progesterone your body produces early in pregnancy relax smooth muscle tissue throughout your body, and that includes your gastrointestinal tract. This relaxation slows your digestive processes, which can cause more gas, bloating, burping, flatulence, and generally miserable sensations in your gut, especially after a big meal.

This week we told a lot of people about our bun in the oven. My family on Saturday, Jen K. and Jen and Rich on Sunday, Laura and Dan on Monday. It's been fun. We've tried to come up with creative ways. They've mostly been pretty lame but it's fun. Going to try to get a hold of Larissa and Melissa and tell the rest of the Bible Study this week and then we tell Martin's family and Amy this weekend.

Oh, my promotion job was finally posted this week. I got my application in yesterday. It closes on Friday. So hopefully by the end of the month I'll be a 14 and making more than Martin :) We always joked that's when we would have kids!

Update - Week 9

Today I'm nine weeks pregnant. I've been feeling a lot better this last week. Not as much nausea. Or maybe I just learned out to deal with it better by keeping food in my stomach. I did throw up twice last week though but I think I was just eating too quickly. My stomach seems to get full really quickly although I still feel hungry. So it's taking me a long time to eat my meals.

The bike ride on Saturday went great. Although for the next three days I was pretty tired. Only been to the gym once this week.

So I spilled the beans last night at Bible Study because two other gals were announcing their pregnancies to the group. I'm so glad I can talk about it now. And Saturday's the day we tell my family. I was afraid my sister was going to be upset (Jan Brady feeling...you, know "everything's Marsha, Marsha, Marsha/Heather, Heather, Heather") but I think that she'll be glad to be sharing being on my mom's "worry list" now. But it's following my sister's and my usual pattern - Carrie announced to my parents that she was getting married in 39 days, the day after Martin's and my wedding. Carrie's due in July. Martin and I be going down around that time to see the baby and hopefully snag some maturnity clothes from Carrie too. :)

Update - Week 8

So, week 8. Not much to report. Still feeling nasea but less today. Yesterday I did throw up for the first time but it wasn't much. I keep reading about much exercise and nutrition are important. For the baby's health, for a safe delivery, for my health. I've been keeping track of what I eat every day. I see tangibly how I consume empty calories. I seem to be consume less fat than is recommended (by some website so take it for what it's worth). I know not to take that as a free pass to desserts but its still hard. I decided to eat healthy fats - grapes, (maybe some cheese to get calcium), and peanuts! But I think to get back up to where I should be on the fat level, they suggest probably about half the peanut butter I consumed today with my saltines and banana. Moderation....always a lessen.

My energy level has been good. I think the only time I was really tired was that first weekend I found out I was pregnant - remember, Mom, the weekend you guys were here visiting and I barely made it through the spy museum? Martin and I plan to do a 28 mile hilly bike ride on Saturday (his birthday fun day). We'll see how that goes. Maybe that will excuse me from the Sunday afternoon tennis.

Basically, I'm just really looking forward to telling people. I feel like I've being fake. Plus, I want to talk about it. I want it to be real. 9 more days....

Although I'm dreading telling my boss. He just gave me a promotion and went through a bunch of trouble to do so. Now I'm going to be like see ya, I'm going on maturity leave for 3 months (starting when you usually take your big vacation) and then I'm only coming back to work half time or not at all. Still haven't decided that yet. But at least most of my maturnity leave will be over the holidays.

My Awesome Husband

Martin is so cute. He's really into my nutrition at this stage in the pregnancy. He just called me from the grocery store to ask me if catfish and tilapia were okay for me to eat. (Yes, he cooks and does the grocery shopping most of the time.) He also wanted to check out the new scale that we got to make sure it was okay for pregnant women to use - its one that does the body fat percentage and thus shoots electrode through your body. I had already checked that out though - yes, it's okay to use. Martin's really looking out for me and the baby. What a good husband and father!

Chirping Birds and Counting Crows

Okay, this is just funny/ironic. I just got annoyed with the birds chirping birds outside my window with the awesome view so I decided to listen to a CD while working. My choice of bands....counting crows! I exchange one set of birds for another. I'll let you debate which is better.

I will leaving my office with a door and a window with an awesome view of the White House, Treasury, Washington Monument, Reagan National Airport, and the Jefferson Memorial for a shared office with a window that looks out on the the alley between the WH and Treasury sometime next month. My only consolation is that that birds probably won't follow.

Update - Week 7

Sorry for not updating earlier....

I started feeling a little nausea last week. Usually about the time I'm ready to eat. Eating usually helps. I haven't thrown up yet and only dry heaved once when I smelled something in the fridge that had gone bad. My sense of smell is really heighted these days. I haven't gained any weight (yea!) yet. I'm hoping to only gain 25 lbs. since I'm 15 lbs. overweight to begin with.

This week was our first doctor's appointment. Saw Dr. Fisk. He confirmed the pregnancy and did a pap test (with Martin in the room - what a shocker for him!). I also got a perscription for prenatal vitamins.

Can't tell by looking at me...thank goodness since we're not telling anyone for 2 more weeks and I'm hoping not to tell my boss until May. Hopefully I can hide it until then. A very tall and skinny women who used to work in my office hid her pregnancy until she had the baby. Don't think that or work for me.

I'm starting to have some discomfort in my ususal sitting (i.e., slouching with feet up) position at work. That stinks. Otherwise, things are going pretty well.

Oh, the doctor usually delivers at Fair Oaks. That's okay. They have a new facility and I heard it's nice. We're really close to Fairfax though. But we can go there for some of the classes. I'm still trying to find out what our insurance covers. I'm hoping they cover a session with a lactation consultant but I doubt it.

Most of my research/time thinking now is on eating right. Catherine G. said in a blog of hers recently that she got info from babyfit.com. I was there two seconds later. I've tracked my food on there ever since. They also have lots of good exercises. Trying to figure out what to eat and what not to is a big job. Lots of controversy out there too. When we were at Mrs. Kennedy's memorial service reception on Wednesday, I accidentaly picked up a roast beef sandwich that was too bloody for me to eat. I had to switch sandwiches with Martin. He got to share in some of my sacrifice for the baby...:)

Only in DC....

I was just thinking that our child will Lord willing turn 18 right around the presidential election of 2024. So having him/her a few days early could turn out to be a big deal. I found out that Election Day 2024 is November 5. So he/she would have to be born (on or?) before November 5th of this year to vote in the 2024 presidential election. I wonder who will be running in 2024....

Update - Week 5

So today I'm five weeks pregnant. It's still hard to believe although I find it also hard to believe that some women don't ever realize they are pregnant. I haven't had any morning sickness yet but I have had some weird feelings that I've never had before in my belly.

Emotionally, I'm doing okay. Not crying anymore. Martin helped with that. Just seeing his excitement and talking about the fun things. We often would stay stuff like "look at all the stuff in our back seat, what are we going to do when we have kids." Now it's "what are we going to do when the baby arrives?!"

This week though, I think my attitude has been well, I can still do all that stuff I wanted to do. My current thinking is that I'll go back to work part-time if my boss is okay with that. So then do that for 2 years until #2 comes along and then not work, at least not downtown. Then I was trying to figure out how I can do a century (100-mile bike trip) before I get "too" pregnant. Doesn't look like the dates are going to work out for the easy one, so I may to a harder metric century in May. Or not. I'm probably be totally unrealistic.

I think I felt like literally my life (i.e. all the good and purposeful things that I do now) will end when the baby arrives. No work, no tutoring, no fun outdoors, etc. I guess I had just heard from a lot of parents lately, "oh, yeah, we used to do that before...." But my do-it-all attitude is not just going to go away. I need to be realistic and know that I can't do everything as I am doing now but maybe it's just different, but equally active and meaningful, things. I am inspired by my friends who have kids and still have a life - Ted and Krista and Tor and Linda (who even breastfed her children for a long time)! I can't wait to talk to them about this.

But I need to remember too that what can be more good and purposeful than raising a child?! I am gaining so much by that. God is calling me (obviously) to be a mother. Uh, mom. I think I like that word better. Mother conveys much more wisdom than I have. Plus, there are a lot of things that will remain or even be enhanced in my life - my marriage, my friends, my relationship with God, my gifts that I can use to serve, my financial education volunteering. I'll be able to read more.

Speaking of lack of wisdom, I feel so much less unprepared for this than marriage. Where's the pre-natal classes Butch? Why don't we have those? Not like there isn't enough books and websites and resources out there on pregnancy and child rearing. It's just going to be a lot of research on my own over the next 8 months. Plus, I feel like I'm one of the first. I'm actually in the middle. All my HS friends have kids. Only one of college friends has kids. Most of the older and some younger camp friends have kids. All my married grad school friends have kids. Two of my Harvest friends have kids. Plus, my sister is pregnant. So I'm clearly not the first. And we just found out yesterday that one of Martin's college friends is having a kid. He and his wife just got married in July. But none of his other close friends from college or high school have kids. Not sure what the point of saying all this is. Maybe I'm afraid that people will think it's so soon. But we'll be married 2 years when the baby arrives. I wouldn't say that's rushing it. But I think I wanted to be known as a couple who really took advantage of the DINK years and milked them for a while. I wouldn't say we're in that category either. Not sure why another 9 months (my plan) would have meant we were.

Need to Learn Many Lessens in Unselfishness and Faithfulness

This morning after I took the pregnancy test and we celebrated a little, I went back into bed and was just thinking of all the consequences on my life that this pregnancy will bring. Martin, always wise and on track, suggested we pray. DUH! but it was the farthest thing from my mind at the moment. Probably THE biggest moment in our life and I'm not thinking about praying or anyone but myself. We will need to do much praying over the next, well for the rest of our lives for this child. I'm definitely not thinking much about him/her at the moment or about my dear husband. That needs to change. Part of it is that it hasn't hit me yet - there is a child developing in me - a new human being that I need to care for! Lord, help me!

New Reasons for a Sweet November

This morning Martin and I found out we have a new reason to say that November is sweet. Our first child will most likely be born in November. Yes, I found out I was pregnant this morning, although I pretty much knew yesterday and had wonderings all week. According to the baby experts on the Internet, my due date is either November 8th, 9th, or 10th. So just a few days after our anniversary.

Martin and I have decided not to tell anyone until we can tell our families in person when we visit PA for my sister's baby shower and FL for Easter in early/mid April. So I thought it would be important to keep this blog up until that time. So the reader, most likely our close friends and family who in April will say "I can't believe you kept it a secret that long!" will know what was going on during the quiet period and so I have an outlet for all the things I want to talk about (besides Martin)!

I think the hardest thing about not telling is that I want to get all the knowledge/advice I can. Which prenatal vitamins are you taking, Carrie? Mom, which veggies should I particularly be eating? Nancy, Amy, and the BS gals, please help me put this all in perspective! Catherine G., what books should I read? Jen K., fitness for pregnancy, okay go. Laura H., what can and can't I eat? Melissa S., what's your secret for smooth deliveries? Jen L. and Reese, (2004, 2005, 2006, do you see a pattern here?) so I've got this weird rash, is this normal? Linda, do I need to worry about alergies now?

While I kinda knew getting pregnant was a possibility and I had been thinking about it this week, it is still a HUGE shock. Almost as much as the shock of failing my PhD comps. Martin and I had literately just decided to start trying in the fall, like October or November of this year for a variety of reasons. Embolden by the factoid that I read a few weeks ago that a 30-year old woman has only a 22 percent chance of conceiving in any one month and seeing friends struggle with infertility and because we had waited until three days after my basel temperature rose (even though there was another sign that I was still fertile), we "cheated" on our Natural Family Planning. It's important to me that others know this because I didn't get pregnant due to a failure of the method of birth control that I so like. (Although, I guess one of the downsides of the method is that it is so easy to cheat.) But this is just evidence of fallen pride for me though. I was out to prove that I was right about NFP and that I wouldn't get pregnant and prove the skeptics and those who were delighted that we were doing this because you thought it meant we'd be pregnant soon wrong. This is one of the many lessens God is teaching me through all this.

So I think most people wonder about the new soon-to-be parents reaction, especially about a unplanned pregnancy. To be completely honest, mine was not a good one. Sure I wanted children but I thought I wasn't ready. (Not sure how I thought waiting until the fall would make much difference.) Mostly because I had just convinced myself that the fall would be the best time to get pregnant because of work, money, housing, due date, stuff I wanted to do before getting pregnant, committments with STEP, etc. (Y'all know how I am with my incessant "planning"! - i.e. wanting to have everything together and make the best possible decisions) That all on top of the general fear of becoming a parent, the frustration of not having been on prenatal vitamins and obstaining from alcohol, and the-oh-my-God,-I- thought-I-just-graduated-high-school (look I'm still wearing the same clothes even)-am-I-really-old-enough-to-have-my-own-children thoughts! But mostly it's the planning stuff. I came up with these expectations that aren't going to be realized and thus I became disappointed when I should be joyful and excited. Granted, it's day one and even already the joy and excitement are pushing the disappointment away, especially seeing Martin's excitement. Just this week at Bible Study we looked at how God works things out for our good and how we have a hard time with that. I've known for a long time (comp failure prime example) that God's way is the better way. I mean it only makes sense. He has perfect knowledge of the future and perfect logistical power. I can see already how God has orchestrated this for a while now. The beauty of an unplanned pregnancy is that you know it's God's will and that you had nothing to do with the timing, well, you know, in a sense. I need to focus on that and realize that that blessing is better than the things that I hoped would happen and to trust that there are future reasons that will far outweigh my minor disappointments now. And God will work out those other details. So the week has been hard but good. And it hasn't hit me fully yet. When it does, I know I'll be more gitty about having a baby because I already see glimpses of that today. Can't wait to tell y'all!