Update - Week 12

So, will this be the "magical" week that the morning sickness goes away? I must say I have been feeling better the last 24 hours. (Change always seems to come on Wednesday.) I'm probably not out of the woods yet. This last week or two I know my eating has gone way down since eating made me feel so bloating and I don't know, I can't explain it. It was just like eating took a lot of me and made me feel sort of a mix between fatiqued and sick. Hopefully I'll get back to eating more this week.

Wow, we told so many people this last week. First Cathy on the way home from STEP tutoring. Then Mike and Brian and Cal and Rochelle and Michelle on Saturday night. Then a ton of people on Sunday morning - my SS class, Danielle, Beth, Cynthia, Kelli, Thomas (who rubbed Martin's belly - that was hilarious!), Betsy, Becky, Natalie, Christian, Rachel and Andrew, Raymond, Don, Jason. Still more people to tell at church. Then I emailed Christine and Kelly and Jen N. and Jill. But I haven't told any of my college friends or camp friends yet. After tonight, things should settle down a bit and I should have more time to call folks.

The first graders in my SS class were funny too - "So this means you're officially married now, huh?"

I've been talking to other moms about natural child birth and breastfeeding and stuff. Gathering info and opinions. That and worrying about how and when and how much to tell my boss fills up most of my thoughts.

Anyway, that's what's going on. Feel free to leave comments.

Update - Week 11

Wow, week 11. I can't believe my first trimester is almost over. This week was fun as we told a lot of people - Martin's family (that's 8 people), Amy, Gruver, Josh & Catherine, Kathryn, and Darrell.

I'm still feeling kind of the same. I've noticed that if I'm moving around and doing stuff I don't get as nauseous. But I don't eat as much then either.

It's funny when people ask how I've been feeling. I usually say, oh, not too bad. If Martin's there he gives me strange looks - like "that's not what you were saying last night when you came home from work laid on the couch with a pint of ice cream and told me you were sick of being pregnant already and you couldn't move because you felt so sick." They say that labor is similar. You forget all the bad stuff. Grad school was that way for me. But I think relatively I'm not sick as some women I know of. It's more of this semi-constant annoyance.

Looking forward to staying home this weekend and telling people at church. Praise God that Martin has been really good with doing housework. Hoping to catch up on some myself this weekend. I went to the gym this morning so hopefully that means I'll have more energy today.

Oh, I got my promotion - I'll be a 14 on April 30th. So I'll see the raise in my May 22nd pay. And my office moved. My window looks out onto the tourist entrance of the WH. Lots of trees too. I have to share the space with a guy but he's pretty quiet. I have more room now and a built-in book shelf. And we're on the same floor as the snack bar that just started selling non-fat smoothies!!!

Update - Week 10

Physical/how I'm feeling update: mood swings and bloating.

Mood Swings. This weekend when we were at my parents, I balled through an entire movie. The movie was Jersey Girl. Not the best movie to watch when pregnant. I didn't even see the beginning when the mom dies. Martin turned the channel because he smartly didn't think two pregnant women should watch that. I cried throughout the rest of the movie though because I think I really identified with the Ben Affleck character. His whole life changed after his child was born and had anxiety over that. So it's still an issue with me apparently. But then I also almost cried at the WalMart hearing I went to when I heard of a missing child being found because of a poster in a WalMart and then I almost cried on the elipse this morning when I was watching a news report about 9/11. All I heard was "let's roll" and I got choked up.

Bloating. So I got a weekly email from on of the websites I'm signed up on that said this week you'll probably be experiencing mood swings and bloating. I guess it's nice to be normal. I haven't felt like eating much all week. It's really a chore to eat. One it takes me so long. Two, I can't find anything that sounds appetizing. So why the bloating? Here's the explanation from babycenter.com: You may be feeling extra gassy or bloated now, too. That's primarily because the major doses of progesterone your body produces early in pregnancy relax smooth muscle tissue throughout your body, and that includes your gastrointestinal tract. This relaxation slows your digestive processes, which can cause more gas, bloating, burping, flatulence, and generally miserable sensations in your gut, especially after a big meal.

This week we told a lot of people about our bun in the oven. My family on Saturday, Jen K. and Jen and Rich on Sunday, Laura and Dan on Monday. It's been fun. We've tried to come up with creative ways. They've mostly been pretty lame but it's fun. Going to try to get a hold of Larissa and Melissa and tell the rest of the Bible Study this week and then we tell Martin's family and Amy this weekend.

Oh, my promotion job was finally posted this week. I got my application in yesterday. It closes on Friday. So hopefully by the end of the month I'll be a 14 and making more than Martin :) We always joked that's when we would have kids!

Update - Week 9

Today I'm nine weeks pregnant. I've been feeling a lot better this last week. Not as much nausea. Or maybe I just learned out to deal with it better by keeping food in my stomach. I did throw up twice last week though but I think I was just eating too quickly. My stomach seems to get full really quickly although I still feel hungry. So it's taking me a long time to eat my meals.

The bike ride on Saturday went great. Although for the next three days I was pretty tired. Only been to the gym once this week.

So I spilled the beans last night at Bible Study because two other gals were announcing their pregnancies to the group. I'm so glad I can talk about it now. And Saturday's the day we tell my family. I was afraid my sister was going to be upset (Jan Brady feeling...you, know "everything's Marsha, Marsha, Marsha/Heather, Heather, Heather") but I think that she'll be glad to be sharing being on my mom's "worry list" now. But it's following my sister's and my usual pattern - Carrie announced to my parents that she was getting married in 39 days, the day after Martin's and my wedding. Carrie's due in July. Martin and I be going down around that time to see the baby and hopefully snag some maturnity clothes from Carrie too. :)

Update - Week 8

So, week 8. Not much to report. Still feeling nasea but less today. Yesterday I did throw up for the first time but it wasn't much. I keep reading about much exercise and nutrition are important. For the baby's health, for a safe delivery, for my health. I've been keeping track of what I eat every day. I see tangibly how I consume empty calories. I seem to be consume less fat than is recommended (by some website so take it for what it's worth). I know not to take that as a free pass to desserts but its still hard. I decided to eat healthy fats - grapes, (maybe some cheese to get calcium), and peanuts! But I think to get back up to where I should be on the fat level, they suggest probably about half the peanut butter I consumed today with my saltines and banana. Moderation....always a lessen.

My energy level has been good. I think the only time I was really tired was that first weekend I found out I was pregnant - remember, Mom, the weekend you guys were here visiting and I barely made it through the spy museum? Martin and I plan to do a 28 mile hilly bike ride on Saturday (his birthday fun day). We'll see how that goes. Maybe that will excuse me from the Sunday afternoon tennis.

Basically, I'm just really looking forward to telling people. I feel like I've being fake. Plus, I want to talk about it. I want it to be real. 9 more days....

Although I'm dreading telling my boss. He just gave me a promotion and went through a bunch of trouble to do so. Now I'm going to be like see ya, I'm going on maturity leave for 3 months (starting when you usually take your big vacation) and then I'm only coming back to work half time or not at all. Still haven't decided that yet. But at least most of my maturnity leave will be over the holidays.

My Awesome Husband

Martin is so cute. He's really into my nutrition at this stage in the pregnancy. He just called me from the grocery store to ask me if catfish and tilapia were okay for me to eat. (Yes, he cooks and does the grocery shopping most of the time.) He also wanted to check out the new scale that we got to make sure it was okay for pregnant women to use - its one that does the body fat percentage and thus shoots electrode through your body. I had already checked that out though - yes, it's okay to use. Martin's really looking out for me and the baby. What a good husband and father!

Chirping Birds and Counting Crows

Okay, this is just funny/ironic. I just got annoyed with the birds chirping birds outside my window with the awesome view so I decided to listen to a CD while working. My choice of bands....counting crows! I exchange one set of birds for another. I'll let you debate which is better.

I will leaving my office with a door and a window with an awesome view of the White House, Treasury, Washington Monument, Reagan National Airport, and the Jefferson Memorial for a shared office with a window that looks out on the the alley between the WH and Treasury sometime next month. My only consolation is that that birds probably won't follow.

Update - Week 7

Sorry for not updating earlier....

I started feeling a little nausea last week. Usually about the time I'm ready to eat. Eating usually helps. I haven't thrown up yet and only dry heaved once when I smelled something in the fridge that had gone bad. My sense of smell is really heighted these days. I haven't gained any weight (yea!) yet. I'm hoping to only gain 25 lbs. since I'm 15 lbs. overweight to begin with.

This week was our first doctor's appointment. Saw Dr. Fisk. He confirmed the pregnancy and did a pap test (with Martin in the room - what a shocker for him!). I also got a perscription for prenatal vitamins.

Can't tell by looking at me...thank goodness since we're not telling anyone for 2 more weeks and I'm hoping not to tell my boss until May. Hopefully I can hide it until then. A very tall and skinny women who used to work in my office hid her pregnancy until she had the baby. Don't think that or work for me.

I'm starting to have some discomfort in my ususal sitting (i.e., slouching with feet up) position at work. That stinks. Otherwise, things are going pretty well.

Oh, the doctor usually delivers at Fair Oaks. That's okay. They have a new facility and I heard it's nice. We're really close to Fairfax though. But we can go there for some of the classes. I'm still trying to find out what our insurance covers. I'm hoping they cover a session with a lactation consultant but I doubt it.

Most of my research/time thinking now is on eating right. Catherine G. said in a blog of hers recently that she got info from babyfit.com. I was there two seconds later. I've tracked my food on there ever since. They also have lots of good exercises. Trying to figure out what to eat and what not to is a big job. Lots of controversy out there too. When we were at Mrs. Kennedy's memorial service reception on Wednesday, I accidentaly picked up a roast beef sandwich that was too bloody for me to eat. I had to switch sandwiches with Martin. He got to share in some of my sacrifice for the baby...:)

Only in DC....

I was just thinking that our child will Lord willing turn 18 right around the presidential election of 2024. So having him/her a few days early could turn out to be a big deal. I found out that Election Day 2024 is November 5. So he/she would have to be born (on or?) before November 5th of this year to vote in the 2024 presidential election. I wonder who will be running in 2024....

Update - Week 5

So today I'm five weeks pregnant. It's still hard to believe although I find it also hard to believe that some women don't ever realize they are pregnant. I haven't had any morning sickness yet but I have had some weird feelings that I've never had before in my belly.

Emotionally, I'm doing okay. Not crying anymore. Martin helped with that. Just seeing his excitement and talking about the fun things. We often would stay stuff like "look at all the stuff in our back seat, what are we going to do when we have kids." Now it's "what are we going to do when the baby arrives?!"

This week though, I think my attitude has been well, I can still do all that stuff I wanted to do. My current thinking is that I'll go back to work part-time if my boss is okay with that. So then do that for 2 years until #2 comes along and then not work, at least not downtown. Then I was trying to figure out how I can do a century (100-mile bike trip) before I get "too" pregnant. Doesn't look like the dates are going to work out for the easy one, so I may to a harder metric century in May. Or not. I'm probably be totally unrealistic.

I think I felt like literally my life (i.e. all the good and purposeful things that I do now) will end when the baby arrives. No work, no tutoring, no fun outdoors, etc. I guess I had just heard from a lot of parents lately, "oh, yeah, we used to do that before...." But my do-it-all attitude is not just going to go away. I need to be realistic and know that I can't do everything as I am doing now but maybe it's just different, but equally active and meaningful, things. I am inspired by my friends who have kids and still have a life - Ted and Krista and Tor and Linda (who even breastfed her children for a long time)! I can't wait to talk to them about this.

But I need to remember too that what can be more good and purposeful than raising a child?! I am gaining so much by that. God is calling me (obviously) to be a mother. Uh, mom. I think I like that word better. Mother conveys much more wisdom than I have. Plus, there are a lot of things that will remain or even be enhanced in my life - my marriage, my friends, my relationship with God, my gifts that I can use to serve, my financial education volunteering. I'll be able to read more.

Speaking of lack of wisdom, I feel so much less unprepared for this than marriage. Where's the pre-natal classes Butch? Why don't we have those? Not like there isn't enough books and websites and resources out there on pregnancy and child rearing. It's just going to be a lot of research on my own over the next 8 months. Plus, I feel like I'm one of the first. I'm actually in the middle. All my HS friends have kids. Only one of college friends has kids. Most of the older and some younger camp friends have kids. All my married grad school friends have kids. Two of my Harvest friends have kids. Plus, my sister is pregnant. So I'm clearly not the first. And we just found out yesterday that one of Martin's college friends is having a kid. He and his wife just got married in July. But none of his other close friends from college or high school have kids. Not sure what the point of saying all this is. Maybe I'm afraid that people will think it's so soon. But we'll be married 2 years when the baby arrives. I wouldn't say that's rushing it. But I think I wanted to be known as a couple who really took advantage of the DINK years and milked them for a while. I wouldn't say we're in that category either. Not sure why another 9 months (my plan) would have meant we were.

Need to Learn Many Lessens in Unselfishness and Faithfulness

This morning after I took the pregnancy test and we celebrated a little, I went back into bed and was just thinking of all the consequences on my life that this pregnancy will bring. Martin, always wise and on track, suggested we pray. DUH! but it was the farthest thing from my mind at the moment. Probably THE biggest moment in our life and I'm not thinking about praying or anyone but myself. We will need to do much praying over the next, well for the rest of our lives for this child. I'm definitely not thinking much about him/her at the moment or about my dear husband. That needs to change. Part of it is that it hasn't hit me yet - there is a child developing in me - a new human being that I need to care for! Lord, help me!

New Reasons for a Sweet November

This morning Martin and I found out we have a new reason to say that November is sweet. Our first child will most likely be born in November. Yes, I found out I was pregnant this morning, although I pretty much knew yesterday and had wonderings all week. According to the baby experts on the Internet, my due date is either November 8th, 9th, or 10th. So just a few days after our anniversary.

Martin and I have decided not to tell anyone until we can tell our families in person when we visit PA for my sister's baby shower and FL for Easter in early/mid April. So I thought it would be important to keep this blog up until that time. So the reader, most likely our close friends and family who in April will say "I can't believe you kept it a secret that long!" will know what was going on during the quiet period and so I have an outlet for all the things I want to talk about (besides Martin)!

I think the hardest thing about not telling is that I want to get all the knowledge/advice I can. Which prenatal vitamins are you taking, Carrie? Mom, which veggies should I particularly be eating? Nancy, Amy, and the BS gals, please help me put this all in perspective! Catherine G., what books should I read? Jen K., fitness for pregnancy, okay go. Laura H., what can and can't I eat? Melissa S., what's your secret for smooth deliveries? Jen L. and Reese, (2004, 2005, 2006, do you see a pattern here?) so I've got this weird rash, is this normal? Linda, do I need to worry about alergies now?

While I kinda knew getting pregnant was a possibility and I had been thinking about it this week, it is still a HUGE shock. Almost as much as the shock of failing my PhD comps. Martin and I had literately just decided to start trying in the fall, like October or November of this year for a variety of reasons. Embolden by the factoid that I read a few weeks ago that a 30-year old woman has only a 22 percent chance of conceiving in any one month and seeing friends struggle with infertility and because we had waited until three days after my basel temperature rose (even though there was another sign that I was still fertile), we "cheated" on our Natural Family Planning. It's important to me that others know this because I didn't get pregnant due to a failure of the method of birth control that I so like. (Although, I guess one of the downsides of the method is that it is so easy to cheat.) But this is just evidence of fallen pride for me though. I was out to prove that I was right about NFP and that I wouldn't get pregnant and prove the skeptics and those who were delighted that we were doing this because you thought it meant we'd be pregnant soon wrong. This is one of the many lessens God is teaching me through all this.

So I think most people wonder about the new soon-to-be parents reaction, especially about a unplanned pregnancy. To be completely honest, mine was not a good one. Sure I wanted children but I thought I wasn't ready. (Not sure how I thought waiting until the fall would make much difference.) Mostly because I had just convinced myself that the fall would be the best time to get pregnant because of work, money, housing, due date, stuff I wanted to do before getting pregnant, committments with STEP, etc. (Y'all know how I am with my incessant "planning"! - i.e. wanting to have everything together and make the best possible decisions) That all on top of the general fear of becoming a parent, the frustration of not having been on prenatal vitamins and obstaining from alcohol, and the-oh-my-God,-I- thought-I-just-graduated-high-school (look I'm still wearing the same clothes even)-am-I-really-old-enough-to-have-my-own-children thoughts! But mostly it's the planning stuff. I came up with these expectations that aren't going to be realized and thus I became disappointed when I should be joyful and excited. Granted, it's day one and even already the joy and excitement are pushing the disappointment away, especially seeing Martin's excitement. Just this week at Bible Study we looked at how God works things out for our good and how we have a hard time with that. I've known for a long time (comp failure prime example) that God's way is the better way. I mean it only makes sense. He has perfect knowledge of the future and perfect logistical power. I can see already how God has orchestrated this for a while now. The beauty of an unplanned pregnancy is that you know it's God's will and that you had nothing to do with the timing, well, you know, in a sense. I need to focus on that and realize that that blessing is better than the things that I hoped would happen and to trust that there are future reasons that will far outweigh my minor disappointments now. And God will work out those other details. So the week has been hard but good. And it hasn't hit me fully yet. When it does, I know I'll be more gitty about having a baby because I already see glimpses of that today. Can't wait to tell y'all!

"Simple" Pleasures

Using the word "simple" in the "simple Simon" context, most of us have some sort of simple pleasure. Maybe we read tabloids or watch cheesy 80s teenage movies or listen to Britaney Speers...but everyone has some sort of simple/bandwagon/shallow pleasure that he/she engages in. And the more of these we have and the more variety of tastes they embody, the more eccentric the person. My husband thinks that I strive to be eccentric which means I'm quirky but I'm not rich enough to be eccentric because eccentricity requires more variety of simple pleasures that I can't afford. Someday, though, I will be eccentric! My latest simple pleasure on my way to eccentricity is the book Deception Point by Dan Brown. I had read one of his other books, Angels and Demons, earlier this year and got hooked. Still haven't read THE Dan Brown book - that's too normal to be eccentric...and it hasn't come out in paperback. Deception Point is a geeky thriller for the up-and-coming Washintonian. It's about Rachel Sexton, a single, smart, thirty-something intelligent official who is asked to help the President on rolling out an annoucment about a NASA project that has had a ground-breaking discovery. This is particularly interesting since the President is up for reelection in the coming year and Rachel's father is the opposing party's most likely candidate. I haven't gotten much farther so there's not much more to tell about the book. But, that's not the point of this post. The point is that simple pleasures, while the more you have is good, too much of one can be bad so I can only read one of these books a year. They are so addicting. But, might some addiction also be a requirement for being eccentric?

New Ambitions

So recently I was talking to a co-worker of mine who I would describe as ambitious, both in his job and in his pursuit of contentment/ease of life. That got me thinking about ambition and about how I really don't have it in my job/career. I may have at one time but not so much anymore. There are a few reasons for this, some of which support the idea that lack of ambition is not so bad.

Reason #1: I landed the job of my dreams on first try. I really have enjoyed my job these past four years and it fits perfectly the description of my ideal job "to do research to help policy makers make better decisions." Not that they have made the better decisions a majority of the time but I'm "fighting the good fight."

Reason #2: I'm not really a "career is my life" person. I've never be soley focused on school or a job so much that it was my life. In high school and college, I was the queen of extra-circular activities. In grad school, while I felt like school was my life, my collegues often remarked at the number of people I knew "outside the department." My friend Jen and I often talk about the benefits of a balanced life so I'd consider reason #2 (as well as #1) a positive reason for not being ambitious.

Reason #3: Laziness. No squeezing a positive out of this one. I want the easy life. I don't want to have to think hard. I don't want to have to dream bigger dreams because it takes work to acheive them. That leads me to....

Reason #4: Lack of Vision. I'm a problem-solver. I like to take things that already exist and make them better. But that's still no excuse for not having vision. Because sometimes to solve a problem the system/structure doesn not exist and the problem-solver then needs to start from the beginning.

So I guess if I started out with the question, "should I be more ambitious?" then my above analysis has led me to the conclusion "not necessarily, but I do need to fight laziness and be more visionary."

Hitting the 1 year of marriage mark and with the 30 years of life milestone quickly approaching, I've been thinking more about what's next? (Okay, who ever stops thinking about what's next?) Kids is specifically what I'm thinking about. Timing is another issue but I've narrowed it down to a year and a half period of when I would like the first one to arrive (Jan 07-Jul08, leaning more towards the Jul08 end of the range). I want to stay home with my kids, at least for the majority of the week, which means I can't continue in my current job.

So what does that mean for now? Well, I'm thinking I need to be a little visionary and think about new career that I can do part time. Originally the plan was to go back to school for another Masters during the stay at home mom years, but I'm not sure I want to do that now, which again may just be a lack of ambition (i.e. laziness). Recently, I've been thinking about a change that would lead me to helping people more on a one-on-one basis. I'm thinking of financial education or budget/credit counceling, the second of these would require me to get some more training, which I am willing to do.

My "mission" if you can call it that, when I started working was to help my co-workers. Given my little experience in the financial services industry, that meant offering a fresh perspective, helping with computer assistance, and just generally being available and willing and cheerful to help with the work of the office. Now that I have that experience, my role has turned a little more towards helping my boss mainly and helping to mentor younger co-workers. This is the part that will be hard to leave. But this "mission" gives and interesting insight (may be an inheritantly typical female thing) into my view of my job. I was more concerned about helping those around me than being successful at what I "produce." I definitely strive to do good work but not sure that's where my heart is. Furthermore, I really enjoy helping people who write to the Tresury with questions and feel they have no where else to turn. So that's why I think financial education would be a good match.

I've looking into the organizations out there already but nothing seems like a good match yet. I want to teach a program that will be free to participants and will just be basic financial skills. Like how to open a bank account, what's a good rate on a credit card, etc. And using the internet to show folks different resources available.

I still have time so I will keep looking. May be a little more ambition wouldn't hurt.

Anniversary Weekend

Love is not a feeling, it's a behavior.

That's the quote on my calendar this month. Quite appropriate for the month of my husband's and my first year anniversary. Besides learning the correct grammar for expressing the 1st person plural, one year of marriage has taught be how true the above quote is. That being said, we've had it pretty easy. Sure marriage is work but its joyful work when the person you're married to is as kind, understanding, sweet, and focused on the larger picture of our love even during the occasional squabbles as my husband. The work this year has been mostly in dividing household chores and being intentional about romance and our relationship when those chores and obligations mount up.

So the plans for the weekend include spending a night at the hotel we stayed at on our wedding night, going out to dinner, toasting with the flouts we used on our wedding day (we'll actually use alcohol this time!), eating the one piece of cake we saved from our wedding cake, watching our wedding video, recounting memories from the wedding and honeymoon, re-reading the questionaires we filled out during our marriage counseling, buying ourselves an anniversary present (breakfast nook!), and opening cards from family members.