You know, the my-baby-just-died one. But I've been dealing with some not very helpful people this week from insurance companies and HR. Claims were denied that should not have been, forms we need to fill out aren't there, and I can't get approved for training that I wanted to take because I'm on "extended sick leave" for the first week of a 16 week course. I'm hoping that I don't have to chose between going back to work later or having my work pay for the class.
I've been brewing over this all day. Actually, all week since I found out about the unexpected second denied claim. Here it is 2 days before Christmas and I'm making phone calls and expecting people to deal with me and I'm not in the Christmas spirit. Sure, I can blame grief and excuse myself but maybe it's just that when we're grieving or going through something difficult the things that annoy or upset us now become bigger. Maybe my feelings which haven't manifested themselves in lots of crying come out in different ways - getting frustrated over things I think should be going right, especially now. And maybe these are my idols, things I put too much importance on. Why is it that I can deal with a big thing going wrong but the little things get to me? I'm sad about Joshua dying but what really makes me angry and upset is incompetence, inflexibility, and attitudes of other people.
I know it's good to think through all these things and it shows I'm learning and growing through the experience but still, I need to snap out of this - it's Christmas!
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